Air conditioning was first invented by God himself as an apology for making Summer so hot in the first dang place. At least, that is the doctrine I teach in my new religion, Freezarianism. We divide human history into two segments; there’s BC, or “before conditioning,” and AAC, “after air conditioning.” The former of course was unlivable, but the latter is divine.
If you’re interested in joining my faith, please have a look at some of our literature, which is in meme form. Blessed be the chilled.
10. Greatest of all time
That initial blast is a rapture like no other.
9. Embrace technology
You’ve saved my life, and I won’t soon forget that.
8. Cooler heads prevail
Any means are justifiable with these ends.
7. Fight the light
We live in the cool shadow of the divine.
6. Basking indoors
I can look out my window from comfort, thank you very much.
5. Our biggest fan
We are continuously blown away.
4. The devil’s lies
If Hell is hot, Heaven must be cold.
3. Be still
This is not a complaint, it’s a celebration.
2. Master your environment
Every day can be winter if we try hard enough.
1. Seeking safety
Trust me, this is for the good of us all.
To quote the profit Azrael from the Kevin Smith movie Dogma, “No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater… than central air.”
How do you keep cool in the Summer?
Tell us in the comments. Amen.