Yanno, I’m really not a snob, I wouldn’t dream of job-shaming the vast majority of people. Do you flip burgers? Thank you, burgers are delicious. Do you pick up garbage? An indispensable service I wouldn’t have the stomach for, you are appreciated. Are you a sex worker? Your body is your own and I hope you stay safe out there. Godspeed to everybody, I’m pulling for literally all of you.
Except influencers.
Influencer is a term so corrosive and embarrassing that I’m genuinely ashamed that my generation is the one that crafted it.
A lot of the “””job””” is just having a lot of money, or pretending to have a lot of money, then showing that to people so that you can make deals where you get more money to show to people.
It’s maddening. Let’s rip into it for a second.
10. Unbearable
Nothing says “I love you” like “I had our staff buy and pose a bunch of crap you won’t keep.”
9. Solid gold
“And for this room I was thinking-”
“More gold sh*t everywhere?”
“Yeah! How’d you know?!”
8. Double trouble
They got these cars making arguably the worst videos on YouTube.
7. Tiger mom
Yes, it’s cute, but you really REALLY shouldn’t have it.
6. First class
“These seats cost more than your entire vacation, happy travels!”
5. Room to grow
The room this man has custom built for a non-living thing to occupy is larger than my entire apartment.
4. Go to jail
That’s um…that’s not how you play.
3. Pizza time!
Sitting in the middle of the street to avoid the poors.
2. I’m lovin’ it
Flexin’ with McDonald’s by buying way more than you can eat so you can throw it away later.
1. Stacked
Again…not how you play.
Though it does make sense that people this rich would be accustomed to thinking that the way to win anything is just to shove money at it.
Well, that was exhausting. I need a burrito.
Be honest – if you had a million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with it?
Tell us in the comments.