Apparently in the decade or so that I’ve had a Twitter account, I’ve sent off a total of 2,663 Tweets.

Those, of course, are rookie numbers.

An average of less than 1 tweet per day? What am I, dead? No wonder Social Blade only gives me a C+.

But honestly, I don’t much care. I don’t want to run with the big boys on Twitter, because running sounds super hard. I’d much rather just sit back and enjoy the content created by those who have taken it upon themselves to truly commit to writing tiny jokes for free 900 times a day.

Here are 10 such jokes that we can enjoy together. We ain’t even gotta work at it.

10. Wine about it

I will admit that I have made many an elaborate excuse to obscure the fact that I don’t drink wine cause it hurts my tum tum.

9. Woo-hoo

Tell me the tail.

8. Wind in my sails

This is why we can’t have nice things.

7. Crafty measures

I don’t know why you’d hop to that conclusion.

6. What a twist!

Bet you didn’t see this one coming.

5. My precious

“If they are going to die they had better do it, and decrease the surplus population.” – Ebeneezer Scrooge and also me while buying Doritos

4. All the lonely good bois

I once got into a game with a friend where we wrote as many verses to this as we could and it was hilarity.

3. Badge of honor

Don’t mind me, just citizen Realname Normalguy, minding my own business.

2. Tough love

You’re gonna be safe or I’m gonna MAKE you be safe.

1. The sorting hate

There’s a lot of controversy in the wizarding world.

These tweets are so good, it almost makes me want to put in effort creating tweets for my own *checks account* …~300 followers, half of whom are probably bots.


What’s your favorite tweet ever?

Tell us in the comments.