The kind of neat treat tweets there’s no need to tweak.
Tweakless tweet feats we treat as on fleek.
They’re this week’s sweet reads for geeks who seek the tongue in cheek.
Heh… sorry, don’t know what happened there. I think I got bit by a radioactive Soundcloud rapper or something. I’m better now.
What I meant to tell you, in normal person language, is that I hope you enjoy this collection of 10 great tweets both old and new. That’s this tweet sheet’s conceit. Dammit, I did it again.
10. Ambiguous language
Better watch out, I hear he’s been using cross fit.
Is this church gonna whoop Jesus’s ass? pic.twitter.com/PU6kbdhc2m
— Corey “The Buttercream Dream” Forrester (@CoreyRForrester) April 6, 2020
9. All aboard the train
This is why I’m no longer allowed in most restaurants.
Me: This soup is delicious
Waiter: That’s gravy
Me: Could I have another bowl?
Waiter: I’m not sure how you got the first bowl
— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) June 10, 2020
8. Hop in
Sorry, I kind of live in my car lol.
my bad bro just throw them in the back pic.twitter.com/eRszbOp94f
— alɘex (@ilylexington) June 9, 2020
7. Message received
I read you loud and clear.
mafia boss: "i want you to send tony the rat a message"
me: "like what"
mafia boss: "a horses head or sumthin"
me: [sends txt: "hey tony ?"]
— k e i t h ?? (@KeetPotato) April 27, 2015
6. I’m sold
Hahaha that’s so dumb where can I get them.
They sell grown man lunchables now ? ? pic.twitter.com/4Jh3UbLYYG
— Ross Bell (@rhbell820) June 21, 2020
5. See what sticks
Florida news stations are just writing stories with Mad Libs, I swear to heck.
Any time a headline starts with Florida I guarantee the rest doesn't make sense. 100% of the time. https://t.co/hqcHZ0O13I
— Simply TC ♌ (@BienSur_JeTaime) March 23, 2018
4. Oh, baby
That kid is gonna grow up to be very dangerous.
me after pretending to be upset just to get attention ? https://t.co/6qRodZteGm
— ✭ (@alia100x) August 21, 2019
3. Flop around
Ain’t no footwear like grocery bag footwear ’cause grocery bag footwear is quickly and lazily improvised.
when ur mom asks u to bring in groceries from the car pic.twitter.com/4XuuH8YNuk
— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) June 22, 2020
2. Meat your maker
Oh cool a NEW reason to hate ticks, I was running low.
The vegans have launched their first biological attack https://t.co/uPfVe9UVdA
— Little Wonton (@little_wonton_) June 21, 2017
1. Window of opportunity
Comcast technicians be like…
I will either respond to your email immediately or three years from now
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) June 16, 2020
There ya have it. Just a suite of tweet treats to sweeten up your feets. Ok, I should really stop with the rhyming now, I’ve thoroughly lost the thread.
Who should we be following on Twitter right now?
Tell us in the comments.