Marriage. Marriage is what brings us together today. 2020 has been a year when a lot of married couples have found themselves spending a LOT more time together, for better or for worse.
And we get to watch all the exhilarating domestic fireworks in the form of that ever-present microblog Twitter, where husbands and wives of all stripes go to shine a light on the funnier aspects of their own matrimonial adventures.
Here are 10 recent tweets about married life that are sure to fully engage your heart.
10. Get in line
Absolutely ice cold.
My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a line & I think he was looking for me to say “don’t worry about it, just come home” but instead I said “don’t forget the ice.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 11, 2020
9. Flex tape
But why wouldn’t everyone do this all the time?
My wife and I go to Home Depot & IKEA with 25 ft tape measures clipped to our belts just to flex on younger couples arguing about stuff fitting in their house.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 8, 2020
8. Smooth moves
Well what the hell did you expect him to say?
My husband and I went to dinner last night and there was a GORGEOUS woman there and I said “omg she is stunning” and he said…
wait for it…
“I didn’t even notice her because I was looking at you.”
2020 is insane.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 9, 2020
7. Saving the day
This is a rush I would very much like to experience, actually.
Don’t let anyone tell you middle age is not exciting. My husband and I got our tax refund and immediately put it in savings. Man, what a rush.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 10, 2020
6. You snooze, you lose
This will be entered into evidence regardless of relevance.
Guys, never go to bed if you’re still fighting with your wife. Snoring will never help your argument.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) May 30, 2020
5. Sneak attack
There need to be protocols to prevent this sort of thing.
There’s nothing my husband loves more than when I save up all the bad news I’ve been hearing all day and then fling it at him the second he walks through the door.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 11, 2020
4. Nothing to sneeze at
Yes I’m allergic to diseases.
Me: [on deathbed]
Wife: It's probably just allergies.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 10, 2020
3. One man’s trash
There are no winners in this game.
Marriage is about finding that one special person to play “who’s going to empty the bathroom trashcan” chicken with for the rest of your lives.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 9, 2020
2. To the Maxx
This conversation sounds exhausting.
Explain to me how my husband is going to lecture me about not going to the hair or nail salon or TJ maxx because it isn’t safe but he’s going to look me straight in the eye and say, “My friends and I are going to hit the golf course this weekend.”
First of all
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) June 10, 2020
1. Against the grain
I need more information on the exact nature of this dispute.
Definitely get married so you too can enjoy fighting over important issues like different grains of rice before 8AM.
— Maryfairyboberry??♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) June 10, 2020
I’ve never been married myself so clearly I don’t know what I’m missing out on but if these tweets are any indication, it sure is a wild ride. Might give it a go one of these days just to see for myself. For the lols if nothing else.
What’s the weirdest thing about marriage to you?
Tell us in the comments.