Peeing on a stick and finding those two solid pink lines is the start of what’s always a whirlwind ride of emotions. It might be a surprise. It might be something you’ve been trying to make happen for months, or even years. It might be something you’re not pumped out, or that your partner feared, or your parents think is irresponsible.

The list goes on and on, but for anyone who decides they’re going to keep that little bundle and move forward, a miscarriage feels like getting hit by a train.

You’re no longer expecting. The dreams you had have to be dissolved, the plans put on hold.

And while we talk a lot about what mothers experience in those moments, we might not wonder as much as we should about their partners’ feelings – but these 11 confessions are from people just like that.

11. It’s easy to blame yourself.

The truth is that it’s nobody’s fault.

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10. It stinks to go through it alone.

For both of you, I’m sure.

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9. Your life changes in a moment.

Then you’re expected to change it back, but that’s impossible.

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8. Everyone deals with grief differently.

And processes the fallout differently, too.

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7. You’ll remember those dates forever.

They were etched on your brain.

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6. Those moments when you’re confronted with what might have been.

You both remember, I promise.

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5. You just want it to stop happening.

But not as much as you want a child.

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4. You can’t take away their pain.

You can just sit with them inside it.

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3. Real talk.

I hope they don’t let it come between them.

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2. It’s misplaced anger.

But that doesn’t make it any less real.

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1. Grief can be a beast.

You just have to ride it out like a wave.

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It’s a tough time, so I’m not here to judge anyone’s reaction, to be honest.

If you or your partner has had a miscarriage, tell us in the comments what it was like for you.