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What’s happening on Twitter lately? Well, everything, really. Any and every subject you can possibly imagine is being yelled about daily on the massive platform. But my favorite parts are the funny ones. Particularly things like these recent funny tweets from some of the women of Twitter.
Get out your popcorn and prepare to chortle, snort, and chortlesnort (I don’t know what that last word means but it sounds like a Pokemon).
12. Height hype
Some of us keep a perfectly average sized distance, thank you very much.
guys will stand 5’8” from you and call it 6 feet
— 朱华敏 (@andrealongchu) April 4, 2020
11. Double checking
Can’t tell if this is severe insecurity or just prudent scheduling habits.
Me to my fiancé the night before our wedding: “we still on for tomorrow?”
— becalicious (@Queen_Beca) April 18, 2020
10. Let’s talk about text, baby
Yeah most of us aren’t some kind of sext Hemingway.
some of my best writing has been wasted on sexts to men whose best reply was, "is that so?"
— Lara Parker (@laraeparker) April 27, 2020
9. Make that money
Who could possibly sit in judgement?
Any woman consensually making a dollar off of men being horny is a queen in my book
— folake aina (@f0lake) April 11, 2020
8. Story time
Ok just don’t spoil it for me.
boys can recommend whatever movies they want to recommend, I’m going to smile and nod then watch my own Instagram story instead
— Audrey Kaufman (@KaufmanAudrey) April 25, 2020
7. Die not trying
This is the best worst advice.
goodnight ladies remember to die before telling a man how you feel about them
— niggaless cage (@2sandz) April 10, 2020
6. Female & sail
I for one voted for “Boaty McBoatface”
Guys are awful bc they will call every woman they’ve ever slept with or dated “female” but will name a boat “Michelle”
— Katy Fishell (@FishellKaty) April 25, 2020
5. Scary stories to tell in the dark
There are so many words in the English language, surely we haven’t discussed all of them yet.
Trying to start up a conversation with your significant other after 500+ hours of quarantine: pic.twitter.com/aNEw1IfrHZ
— Corrine. (@corrinedowlin) April 16, 2020
4. Roller disco
A complete lack of furniture suddenly isn’t so pathetic, IS IT MOM?!
Day 6 of quarantine: my girlfriend and I turned our apartment into a skating rink. pic.twitter.com/Hwc7wfJLHy
— sQUAD♦️👌🏽♦️ (@Kennyy_T) March 22, 2020
3. The last dance
As someone not in the mood for either of these things, I wish peace upon your household.
Boyfriend hasn’t been “in the mood” for Little Women for a month of quarantine and now there is a 10 part Michael Jordan documentary coming out and I am supposed to just fall into line?
— Lael O'Shaughnessy (@laeloshag) April 16, 2020
2. Simple plan
Oh no buddy.
Literally like a week before this quarantine my boyfriend said “you know what makes me the happiest. Two things. I’m a simple guy. I just love getting haircuts and going to the gym. Those make me happy” and if you are wondering how he’s doing right now
— teddy (@itsmeheythere) April 20, 2020
1. Sweet 16
I wake up every day and give thanks to the good lord above that Snapchat did not exist when I was in high school.
omg when i was 16 i had a crush on this boy who was known for having sex w like every girl he hung out with and he kept asking me to hang out but i didn’t want that so i snapchatted him a video of me lip syncing we don’t have to take our clothes off by ella eyre and he blocked me
— Kennedy Walsh (@_kennedywalsh) April 27, 2020
Hope those made your day a little better – give ’em a follow for more good stuff.
Who’s your favorite person on Twitter right now?
Tell us in the comments.