You ever have one of those days where it just feels like the whole world is out to get you?

Like, not in a super sinister way, but in a way where it feels like your enemies-to-allies list is just way out of whack? Yeah, me too. So much so that I’ve made a list of all the people I take umbrage with. Umbrage, I say! And I have illustrated my grievances with a selection of memes.

Here are twelve types of people who need to stop attacking me right this instant.

12. The Ticklers

Just because I’m laughing doesn’t mean I’m not plotting your murder.

11. The Bird People


10. World Events

Can we just press pause on everything, please?

9. Cards Against Humanity Players

All of my intricately laid plans…ruined…

8. Toilet Paper Hoarders

Don’t make me bring out the big guns.

7. The Government

Thanks for the less-than-one-month’s-worth-of bills, guys.

6. Everybody

I am man, hear me squeak.

5. My Friends

You don’t even know who I am yet.

4. Doctors

Obtaining accurate information about my body is incredibly rude.

3. The Other People in My Campaign

You have all failed me yet again.

2.  My Parents

Think you’re sick? Use this one simple trick!

1. My Job

Throw off the garments of oppression.

Now, some of you might be saying “Hey, maybe you’re NOT under attack, maybe you just have some stresses you need to work through and take responsibility for your life.” And to you I say…you’ve just made the list.

What’s on YOUR list?

Tell us in the comments.