So, it’s been a rough few years. Things have been chaotic AF and isn’t it time we all just settle down for a bit, read some tweets and lol a little bit? Is that too much to ask?
No, it’s not too much to ask. And so we call on the mediocre lord above to make us laugh.
1. God… slow down. K?
[God creating spiders]
"Make it have 8 legs"
Seems excessive but ok
"And 8 eyes"
You need to calm down a li-
"Give it a b*tt rope"
— matt (@dogfather) June 18, 2016
[god creating jellyfish]
how bout an evil bag
— dr boyfriend, m.d. (@pentyfuma) December 26, 2015
3. Let it rain!
God: oh sh^t
God: I just realized I've been leaning on the frog button
— spacegirl incognito (@iamspacegirl) October 24, 2018
4. Pure fire that day…
GOD: my latest creation will have the body of an ape, the voice box of a parrot, the skin of a pig, and the intelligence of a dolphin. I call it Human, and it will destroy everything else I've made
ANGELS: [confused applause]
— wwwdmmmffnn (@woodmuffin) January 27, 2019
5. But why?!
[god drunk, inventing hedgehog]
so cute but u can't cuddle it cuz, pr#ckly quills or whatever, hahaha
[passes out] pic.twitter.com/h1o4Tn4Z65
— beth, not a Russian bot (@bourgeoisalien) April 5, 2016
6. You did it to yourself…
God: you’re gonna be beautiful your whole life.
Butterfly: yeah I better be.
God: [to Angel] I don’t like his attitude make him an ugly hairy worm for half his life.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) December 21, 2018
7. You god d*mn monster…
[God creating the ocean]
GOD: Just put water friggin everywhere.
ANGEL: Nice, that way if they’re thirsty, they—
GOD: Make it undrinkable.
— dr boyfriend, m.d. (@pentyfuma) June 8, 2015
GOD: We shouldn't do this drunk
ANGEL: 10 lol
ANGEL *mouthful of pizza* 25
CENTIPEDE: *tearing up* stop giving me legs, I look stupid
GOD: ONE HUNDRED LOL
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) June 4, 2018
9. Out of control…
[god creating seahorses]
Give them a horse's head
Gills & tiny baby fins
Males give birth
Angel: whoa wtf dude
— Terry F (@daemonic3) September 17, 2015
10. It worked!
[God creating mosquitoes]
"I wonder how I could get everyone to spray chemicals on themselves and also slap their own faces."
— elizabeth (@Elizasoul80) January 3, 2016
[God creating praying mantis]
Make an insect that does karate
Now make it bite her husband's head off
Angel: dude we need to talk
— Bownuggets (@Bownuggets) January 11, 2016
12. Lord of the flies…
GOD: make them eat sh^t
ANGEL: got it
GOD: make their babies the grossest things in the world
ANGEL: ok who hurt you?
— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) August 26, 2016