Alright parents, your day has come. It’s that time to share ALL of the funny tweets you can with us so we can laugh at your pain.
Seriously, these 13 tweets are actually kind of tame when compared to REAL parenting woes.
Still, they’re pretty damn funny, so enjoy!
1. How dare we NOT destroy his vision!
My toddler woke up upset because he couldn't find his glasses, but what really set him off was when I told him he doesn't even wear glasses.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) July 31, 2015
2. *sniff* he always says the nicest things…
[at my funeral]
MY KID: *leans into my coffin and whispers* can i play a game on your phone?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 11, 2019
3. Delete. Them. All.
No one tells you that most of parenting is going through your phone to decide which blurry photo to keep out of the 729 selfies your kid took of themself.
— Yelisa (@motherplaylist) September 9, 2019
4. Because Todd! Just BECAUSE!!!
My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.
— ally (@TragicAllyHere) September 30, 2016
5. It never works out…
Me: Okay there are 7 days in a week and like 78 non-school hours so I’m sure my kids’ activities will be reasonably spread throughout the week.
Their schedules: Yeah so your kids need to be at opposite ends of town with the same drop-off and pickup times on the same days always.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) September 17, 2019
6. Keep track of that sh^t, fam!
It’s 6am on a Saturday. Do you know where your child’s soccer jersey is?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 7, 2019
7. This math adds up!
The chances of your kid liking the new snack they insisted you buy are inversely proportional to how big the bag is
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 11, 2019
8. Come on now… amateur!
Tried to clean my toddlers room while he was playing in it like I hadn’t learned anything in my first 10 years of parenting
— NatashaAnn (@looksliketuttut) September 15, 2019
9. No Daniel! That’s NOT the last number!
3YO son: "Why are you 45?"
Me: "Because that's just how old I am."
3YO: "Is that the last number? Because that's a lot."
— Mike Hogan (@MHoganSays) November 21, 2016
10. That last one though… ugh!
Parenting is easy as long as you:
– can name every species of bug
– pull snacks out of thin air
– crave ill-informed feedback
– always bring the 'right' toy
– despise sleep
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 18, 2019
Most of my time as a mother has been spent in a closet, eating something I didn't want to share.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 3, 2015
12. Yeah… they like same same
Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is “Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?”
— colonel rob fee (@robfee) March 3, 2015
13. Not only possible… probable!
Before I had kids, I didn't even know it was possible to destroy an entire house with a granola bar.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 3, 2014
Did you learn anything? Want to have kids of your own? Never want to look at a child again?
Let us know in the comments! Because that’s what we do around these parts! 😉