Ready for some real talk? Let’s talk about the way we treat each other, and the way we disguise the bad as good and the good as bad. That’s the kind of conversation that got kicked off in a post from darkwulf1 on r/AskReddit:
What is a toxic behavior that is disguised as virtue? from AskReddit
The post quickly amassed thousands of comments – a few jokes here and there, but mostly honest feedback and frustration examining morality. Here are a few examples of some of the most interesting points.
1. Do you work to live or live to work?
It’s fine to work hard at something you love, but not at the expense of everything else.
2. Don’t take autonomy.
People saying they did stuff that directly affects us without our permission for ‘looking after your best interests’
3. “Chasing” can be pretty creepy.
Persistence in relationships.
It’s always sold in Rom-coms and in relationships.
But usually your persistence is a complete lack of respect for other people’s boundaries or holding onto things that aren’t working out.
4. Good action, bad motive.
People that do good deeds so they can brag about it or use it to their own advantage.
“Look at me, I’m such a good person! I do all these nice things, not because I wanted to be a good person or anything, nope!
Just so I could tell everyone about all the good things I do! Repeatedly. Like all the time. Because I’m a good person, remember?
Hey by the way, could you do me a fav-.”
5. We’re not all on an even playing field.
That kind of Hustle Culture where successful people give “motivational” speeches (or more often Instagram captions) where they say stuff like “if you’re not succeeding you’re not working hard enough” or “we all have the same 24 hours.” We don’t all have the same 24 hours.
If you have kids, subtract a couple hours. If you have kids without a live in nanny subtract a bunch of hours. If you have to work a minimum wage job to make rent subtract hours. If you don’t have help to cook/clean/grocery shop/etc, subtract hours.
That’s part of why Kylie Jenner’s whole “self-made millionaire” think bugs me. Even IF she came up with her own ideas and did her portion of the work, she never had to worry about financial support to start her brand, or childcare while she was working, or who was going to cook meals for her and her kid or clean her house. Her lip fillers alone, which are a huge portion of her brand, can cost up to 2000 dollars a pop.
You’re not “self-made” if you couldn’t have done it without your parent’s money.
6. This is called being an enabler.
Being the “supportive” friend/significant other who will never say no even if it’s a really bad idea.
7. Nothing special about being mean.
People that say they’re always 100% honest and aren’t afraid to speak their mind.
It’s definitely useful when needed, but all the time just makes the person seem insufferable and rude.
8. Don’t speak for me.
Being offended on behalf of another person without knowing or wanting to know their opinion.
9. Corporate morals are profit-driven.
They are literally just trying to sell more sh^t by piggybacking onto whatever is the cause of the day.
10. Back off a little.
Helicopter parenting, that sh^t scars you, makes you unable to function like a normal adult and struggle to make your own decisions when it comes to responsibility.
11. Be real with yourself.
Constant self-diminishing and downplaying of your abilities as “humility”.
Just accept and recognize that you’re pretty skilled / have a lot of experience in something, instead of saying that it’s easy, that anyone could do the same and the list goes on.
12. Be vigilant around charisma.
Over-the-top kindness often masks agenda. Charisma goes a long way toward hiding darker traits.
13. Self-care vs selfishness.
Aggressive self-care — sometimes people use this as a hard stop to get out of things that they do not want to do because you can’t argue with someone saying that they need self-care.
But there’s a line between doing what you need to in order to bolster emotional and mental health and being lazy/taking advantage of people who want to support self-care more.
14. Your nihilism isn’t impressive.
The super ultra laid back mentality.
Not everything is ok. Not everything is a joke or is cool.
It’s good to have boundaries and to take things seriously.
15. This one’s called the “Golden Mean Fallacy.”
Accepting the objective truth in the form of a compromise.
IE If one person says the sky is blue, and another says the sky is yellow, the compromise would be that the sky is green (blue and yellow mixed), which is onviously not the objective truth.
I highly recommend scrolling through some of the other top comments on the original post, it’s a really fascinating bit of human self-reflection.
What else could go on this list?
Tell us in the comments.