You know what time it is: it’s time to get into costume, stock the house with candy, get the kids all dressed up, and head out to trick or treat and go to various parties. In other words, it’s Halloween!
So before you head out to enjoy all the festivities, take some time to read these funny tweets!
1. That spider sure is blown away.
me: *hits spider web down with broom*
me: *puts up F*ke spider web decorations for Halloween*
— ugly & sad? ? (@SpookyGothLoser) October 5, 2019
2. That is cool.
one time I was out on halloween and there was a guy wearing a F*ke moustache and a priest collar and I asked him "are you someone in particular or are you just moustache priest?" and he said "just moustache priest" and I said "cool"
— Mothney Reynolds (@whitneyarner) October 1, 2019
3. Now he’s a member of the family.
He was so terrified when we brought him home 2 days ago, now he’s a member of the family❤️ pic.twitter.com/AaZpBQ2kP3
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) October 6, 2019
4. Clearly that’s Sloth.
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm clearly Sloth from "The Goonies." Let go of me!" pic.twitter.com/zYUrH9kO5F
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) October 7, 2019
5. Think it’s gonna work out?
my bf is 6’2 i’m 4’9. he said he wants us to be sully and mike wazowski for halloween smh where’s the eject button
— jordan stan account (@queerxcreep) October 1, 2019
6. I was actually thinking of doing it, too…
how many bitches y’all think you know that are gonna dress as a white claw/sl*tty white claw for halloween and claim it was their original idea.. i can think of like five off the top of my head
— Tana Mongeau (@tanamongeau) October 3, 2019
7. Either one works.
I'm either a vampire or that guy in your creative writing class pic.twitter.com/qdaLVR72Te
— Jenny Nicholson @ Halloween (@JennyENicholson) October 3, 2019
8. One of the many reasons it’s great.
halloween is my favorite holiday because you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand without getting in trouble
— McSpooky (@McNasty) October 3, 2019
9. Whoa! That’s awesome!
Nothing you ever do for Halloween will top this pic.twitter.com/UOmEkfmMkp
— The Unexplained (@Unexplained) October 4, 2019
10. Go for it!
Guys will see a pretty girl and say “wow she’s out of my league” like bruh she got 30 days to find someone to match Halloween costumes with just shoot your shot already
— Johnny Mayo (@WanderlustJMayo) October 1, 2019
11. Hey o!
day 87 without sex: went to halloween horror nights so I can remember what it's like to have a man make me scream again
— i'm a sunflower (@youreasunfIower) October 10, 2019
12. I knew that would be dead last.
Ranking the best Halloween candy:
3. Sour patch kids
5. Milky Way
6. Kit Kat
10. Babe Ruth
99. Clorox Bleach
176. Candy corn
— Spooky Iowa Chill (@IowaChill) October 8, 2019
13. That’s how I live my life.
im legally allowed to say happy halloween every day for the next 31 days just like how ppl say merry christmas through the entirety of december
— ?paul rudd? (@philsadelphia) October 2, 2019
14. Sounds like a great costume.
7-year-old: I want to be you for Halloween.
Me: How would you dress?
7: I'd just look tired all the time.
We'd be twins.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 7, 2019
15. This tweet really nails it.
Wife: how do we explain Halloween to the kids?
Me: they put on a mask and ask strangers for candy.
Wife: but we said NEVER accept candy from strangers.
Me: we’ll tell them one day a year it’s ok.
Me: it’s like the Purge but for Children.
— Oops!…I Dad It Again (@NewDadNotes) October 5, 2019
Have a great Halloween and share some photos from your evening in the comments below!