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The thing about the internet is that it’s this huge public forum where pretty much anybody can access and respond to the things you say.
And the thing about having a forum like that is that with so many eyeballs on your statement, odds are exceedingly good that at least one pair of those eyes is gonna be connected to a brain that just happens to have the most perfectly devastating response.
Ergo, the internet is basically just one giant clap back machine, and the results are hilarious and oof-worthy.
Here are fifteen examples of killer comebacks brought to us by the internet.
15. First languages
Clearly she meant speak American. Yanno, talk about guns and Tiger King.
it was 1997 i was outside McDonald's on Queen St age 15, an old lady barked "speak English" at a pair of young Korean men and without missing a beat one of them goes "OOooo i want a nice cup of TEA look at ME I'm ENGLISH i want to eat PLAIN TOAST" i miss him every single day
— f*male b*tch (@Ahhmandah) June 4, 2019
14. Safety second
And just like Jurassic Park, we literally never learn.
Nothing more appropriate to honor the Jurassic Park legacy than opening before you should
— Barbara Stanwyck's Ghost (@kfsrhn) June 16, 2020
13. Special delivery
(Club = team for all my fellow basic Americans.)
Bit rich coming from a club that hasn't delivered since 1992… https://t.co/v2R2fLhcNq
— Pizza Hut Restaurants (@pizzahutuk) January 17, 2019
12. Social predictions
Don’t hold back, king.
You can do this already with a ZIP code. https://t.co/sVfNmDSQTo
— Luther M. Siler (@nfinitefreetime) April 5, 2018
11. Deep breaths
I might be suffocating but these download speeds are tight.
so just fuck oxygen right? https://t.co/xGKvZaPozX
— jay bigote! (@stickojay) January 11, 2018
10. Packing heat
It was planted on me, I swear.
Why do you keep stealing eggplant, Chase?
— Walmart (@Walmart) February 26, 2020
9. Cold shoulder
Every doctor: “This is way worse than a cold or the flu.”
Your cousin: “Nu uh.”
Just following the guidelines advised by the organization made up of individuals who have dedicated their entire lives to studying diseases and how to control and prevent them. I promise they know more than you.
— Tyler | Code WILDCAT (@I_AM_WILDCAT) March 16, 2020
8. Well actually
If he was around to hear this conversation he’d cut off his ear all over again.
7. Desperate measures
Get bent, bruh.
6. Just kidding
Nothing better than when you can turn around a yo mama joke.
5. Born and raised
“If we went back to using obsolete techniques and technologies, people would be confused.” – a boomer’s idea of a sick burn.
4. Don’t cry for me
If being a man means I don’t get to care about my own parents then screw it, I’m a wombat.
3. Granting wishes
That kid is going to be a lawyer when she grows up.
2. Can’t take the heat
But…but…I saw a meme somewhere that said…
1. The winter of our inconvenience
We’re so insular we literally forget there are other countries.
That’s a lot of cathartic comebacks right there. Sort of revs you up to go plant a few yourself. Remember: don’t go looking for a fight. But when the time comes to strike, use the opportunity well.
What’s your favorite comeback lately?
Tell us in the comments.