Did you know that “Twitter” is actually an acronym for “Tiny, witty, idiosyncratic talkings to every receiver?” I’ll be you didn’t know that, because it’s nonsense and I just made it up. The letters in Twitter don’t stand for anything.

But Twitter itself stands for a LOT. It stands for information spread, it stands for micro-blogging, it stands for not holding prominent politicians to the same standards as everyone else when it comes to terms of service violations (aHEM), but it ALSO stands for jokes. Lots of good ol’, dumb jokes.

Here’s a brief collection of some such recent jokes. Hope you like ’em!

15. The Turing test

“You spend a lot of your day telling a robot that you’re not a robot. Think about that for two minutes and tell me you don’t want to walk into the ocean.” – John Mulaney

14. Statues of limitations

I hadn’t realized it was this important before.

13. Beginning of the end

I think she’s cracked the code.

12. Warning signs

Um…yes, ok.


11. Bum bum BUUUUUM

Stretch marks are God’s little pranks.

10. Holy crap

Having been raised in the church, this is also my first instinct.

9. The cycle repeats

Soon you’ll be yelling about lawns.

8. Burn notice

“Look, I’m not saying the suspect was old…”

7. Sharing is Karen

We’ve all gotta adjust now.

6. Elmo’s world

Clearly there’s a lot to this story we’re not being told.


5. Let’s get ready to rhombus

I’m still waiting for my ability to find the area of a triangle to come into play.

4. Winter is coming

We like a lot of vowels in a very silly order.

3. The terminator

Hey, at least he’s not anti-antifa.


2. Cobble your way up

Peach it, girl.


1. Eternally wounded

I second this. Or…(looks at number of likes)…600,802nd this.

Now THAT’S what Twitter was made for. By Jesus, I assume. I don’t know, I’m not great at history.

Who are your go-to’s for quality content on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.