You know that awkward moment when someone tells a joke they think is hilarious, but while they’re laughing at their own “hilarious” joke, everyone else listening has a smile on their face that says they’d like to be anywhere but there?
Yeah, these 15 jokes definitely qualify.
15. Whatever blows your skirt up I guess.
What’s the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
I wouldn’t pay $200 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
14. Yes, because she doesn’t have enough trouble.
Helen Keller walks into a bar.
Then a chair.
Then a table.
13. Daniel Tosh is the worst.
What do spinach and anal s^x have in common?
If you’re forced to have it as a kid, you’ll hate it as an adult.
12. That took quite the turn.
My grandfather once told me “your generation is too reliant on technology.”
So I replied “no, your generation is too reliant on technology!”
Then I disconnected his life support.
11. Because there just aren’t enough Holocaust jokes.
“You’re about as useful as Anne Frank’s Drum Kit”
10. There’s inappropriate but funny and then there’s this.
What do you do if an epileptic falls in your pool?
Throw in your laundry.
9. If you’re a fan of dry one-liners…
I know some great Casey Anthony jokes, but if I tell one my mom will kill me.
8. So many people think racism is funny? I guess?
Why do you paint your canoe black?
So it won’t tip.
7. Guys rape jokes just aren’t funny.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
6. Who would laugh at that?
I heard this everybody’s easily offended now that you can’t even say black paint.
Instead you have to say “Jerome, would you please paint my fence?”
5. Inappropriate AND racist – double whammy!
What did the black epileptic have written on his t-shirt?
“Help I’m not break dancing”
4. Truly. Utterly. Tasteless.
A woman was in a coma. She had been in it for months. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a slight response on the monitor when she touched her.
They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, “As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral s^x will do the trick and bring her out of the coma.”
The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they’d close the curtains for privacy. The husband finally agreed and went into his wife’s room.
After a few minutes the woman’s monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses run back into the room. “What happened!?” they cried. The husband said, “I’m not sure – I think maybe she choked.”
3. Dad joke fail.
What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
Courtesy of my dad. His dad jokes are not dad jokes at all.
Edit: My first 1000+ comment is about tasting a sh^tty thermometer. Oddly fitting, Reddit.
2. I think too soon forever.
How did the media find out that princess Diana had dandruff?
They saw her head and shoulders in the glove compartment
1. Enter silence…
What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn’t?
Ended a race.
I’m dying a little bit and wanting to run away from my own post! Time to take a long, hot, 4-hour shower.
Have you heard a joke more tasteless than these?
Share it with us in the comments!