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I have some friends and family members who are total hypochondriacs. They always think they’re dying, they’re constantly on WebMD analyzing their symptoms, and they’re always preparing me and other people for the worst.
Annnnnnnd, they’re always fine and nothing ever happens to them. I guess that’s just the way it is with these people!
Here are 16 funny stories from these folks who are always convinced that something is wrong with them.
1. It’s the Jello.
If it makes you feel better, I had abdominal surgery and ended up back in the ER the next day because my stool was red.
They tested a sample, of course, then one nurse asked: what have you been eating?
And that’s how I found out living on jello for a while can stain things. 😂
— Trace the Mighty 🏳️🌈 (@thetidebreaks) January 25, 2020
2. Just let it out.
A day after my husband got his appendix out he was in agony. He was so sore that he was crying. He said it was worse than the appendicitis. A nurse moved him on to his side and moved up his knee. He then gave out the longest, biggest fart and was absolutely fine after it.
— Jackie B (@itsnottuesday) January 26, 2020
3. That is hilarious.
Went through a phase where I was seriously concerned I had a brain tumor or something because everything I ate – including things like pasta with marinara sauce- tasted like peppermint. Finally realized a bottle of peppermint extract had spilled all over my pots and pans
— Stephanie H. Damassa (@SLHDC) January 25, 2020
4. Needed that info.
Reminds me of the time I was about to take my 6 month old to the ER because his foot was purple. Turned out SOMEBODY forgot to add on his daycare sheet that they were doing foot print painting that day 🙄🙄
— Black Girl Reviews (@moviebuffchick2) January 26, 2020
5. Way too many Oreos.
Had a dr apt two days ago bc my 2yr old had jet black poop. Turns out my 6yr old has been training him to play nice with Black licorice and Oreos…. like a lot of Oreos.. learned a lot about my kids 🤣😂 only cost me $80 bucks and some embarrassment.
— A.Jay (@imhiding_goaway) January 26, 2020
6. You’ve been sleepwalking.
When I was in middle school I sat my parents down to tell them I have cancer bc I had mysterious bruises all over my body. When they finally stopped laughing at me they explained that I sleep walk into a table every night.
— Karadelphia 🛵🚴🏻♂️🌾 (@KaraNextWeek) January 25, 2020
7. No motor skills.
When I was a kid my mom took me to school for pre-K testing. Dressed me up in new pants, saddle shoes, cardigan, the works. She cried all day when they told her I’d be in special ed because of no motor skills. Dad had me retested in clothes that fit and I did much better.
— Followers in the Attic (@JCC_72) January 26, 2020
8. Wasn’t “the big one”.
Went to the ER because “my legs have turned blue and Web MD says I have deep vein thrombosis.”
Was this it? The big one?
No! I have the “dumbass who doesn’t wash his new jeans before wearing them” disease and I would like to be executed immediately.
— Mark (@MShrayber) January 25, 2020
9. That explains it.
Lol. I was convinced I had a brain tumour. Was driving. Terrible headache. Blurred vision. Turns out my clip on visor was too tight and my sunglasses were dirty 😎
— Lezleemac 🌊🌊🌊🌊 (@lezleemac) January 27, 2020
10. The culprit: an air freshener.
I thought I had diabetes one time. Every time I peed it would smell sweet. Excess sugar in the urine! Turns out my wife put an air freshener in our toilet…
— Joe Martin (@HsvBootCamp) January 26, 2020
11. A serious issue.
I went to Mexico and floated around a lazy river for a week enjoying some margaritas. When I got home I had large brown spots on my abdomen. That was it. I over did it. I had skin cancer. Turns out lemons and sun and water stain your skin. My dr called it ‘margaritavitis’.
— Kate (@kateraider) January 26, 2020
12. Might’ve been Hershey’s.
When I was an infant, there was apparently a medium sized brown birthmark on my head. My mom thought it was new so she didn’t wash that area before she took me to the docs.
It was chocolate.
— Kelly Gail (@KGSchn) January 26, 2020
13. Lay off the beets.
for future reference, if you ever eat beets, you may want to put an alert bracelet on to remind yourself of that fact later before you freak out while googling colon issues.
– a considerate tweeter
— Jen Prouty (@JenProuty) January 25, 2020
14. I’m seeing double!
Suddenly started seeing double when outside the house talking to my wife. Quite disoriented I came inside to check the internet for a diagnosis. I was closely followed by my wife who was holding a lens from one side of my glasses which she picked up where I had been standing.
— 𝙄𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙙𝙚𝙙 𝙑𝙞𝙚𝙬 ◣ ◢ (@ImplodedView) January 26, 2020
15. Learned a lesson.
Was changing my daughter and saw a small wormlike thing coming out of her butt. My husband and I FREAKED OUT. We put a sample in a bag, brought her in, and learned a little lesson about what celery looks like on the other side of the digestive system.
— Minerva (@MinervaAthena81) January 26, 2020
16. A good friend.
The first time I ever got drunk enough to puke it was on red wine when I was 20 or so. I thought my stomach was hemorrhaging blood and called a friend in terror. She very kindly came over and held my hair and explained. She’s extremely successful and wealthy now and deserves it.
— AnnaMaria Stephens (@annamaria1word) January 26, 2020
I have to admit, I do this sometimes myself, so I feel for these folks.
What about you? Are you a hypochondriac?
If so, tell us about some of your fears and stories in the comments! We’re here to listen!