If we’re being REALLY honest with ourselves… we all lie. But those lies usually take the form of completely harmless, white lies meant to not hurt people’s feelings.

You know what I’m talking about. The ones that make people feel better because they’ll never know you’re not telling the truth.

Here are a couple:

  • “Do I like that lipstick color? Yeah! Looks really good!”
  • “Did I like the pot roast? Ummm, you’re damn right I did. I want that recipe!”

You’ve told those right? It’s not just me? Yeah you have…

But the following lies are genuine whoppers that people NEVER should have told.

But they did.

So we get sit here and laugh.

“He once got his armed ripped off and surgically re-attached…”

A guy that works for my company has some just asinine tales.

He once got his armed ripped off and surgically re-attached after a wild industrial accident, where he was thrown 25′ in the air. He tried to grab something mid-flight which caused his arm to be torn off.

His brother discovered Matchbox 20 and Nickelback. He also chills with Bono quite frequently.

The last one he always spouts about makes me giggle. At work our most common equipment consists mostly of signal voltages (24V on a mA scale) in a somewhat complex little cabinet. He spouted for quite a while that he was a 3rd year electrician apprentice (ie one year from completing a journeyman education), but that they allowed him to bypass the school portion. That just plain doesn’t happen.

Anyways, after all his big talking, he doesn’t know how to use a multimeter, and he’s ‘nervous’ around the equipment, because of all the voltage.

What a f*ckin idiot.

“He always talked about how he had taken multiple intelligence tests…”

One of my closest friends from college was kind of a nosey bastard. If something was going on he had to know about it and he made it his business to know every little thing about everyone. But we’ll come back to that in a moment…

We lived down the hall from two absurdly hot girls whom we had become kind of good friends with. There was another dude who lived down the hall from us who, let’s just say a lot of things about him did not add up. He always talked about how he had taken multiple intelligence tests and had always tested off the charts but had severe anxiety issues so, instead of going Princeton or Harvard, he came here to relax. He stated that he was his class valedictorian and that his mother was, and I quote, “an accountant to the stars.” Why stars such as Mel Gibson and Tom Cruise came to a small accountant’s office in upstate New York is beyond me.

Anyway, the community lounge in our dorm was the cool place to hang out and, in the beginning of the semester at least, this guy would tell us stories about how amazing he was. Day after day he told us how he Mel Gibson had visited mother’s office and taken him and his mother to dinner a MONTH prior to his first run in with the police and how he wanted to go to Princeton and had been accepted but our campus was, “just so much more quiet and charming.”

We all kind of shook our heads but didn’t take this to heart but it really pissed off my nosey friend. He would always cast a glare of scrutiny on this guy, ask for proof and call him out on things. The guy would in turn call him a j^rkor dance around the subject until my friend backed off. But one day things went too far. This guy came waltzing into the lounge one night in a bathrobe and slippers and is beaming ear to ear. We all asked him what put him in such a good mood. He looks toward the door and nods in the direction of the hot girls’ room and said he just f*cked both of them.

I swear I’d never seen anyone jump up so fast, but my friend was up and running down the hall in under a second. Within minutes he was back with the two girls at his side. They all looked pissed and they started screaming at him about spreading lies about them. It turns out that this guy had never even spoken to the girls, let alone had a hot threesome with them. The guy got up quietly and left. Everyone stayed silent about it for a while.

A few days later the guy came into my room. He told me he had something to tell me about my friend. He said that he had a drug problem and that the ATF had sent this guy to our campus to monitor him because he had a history of distributing hard narcotics to college campuses. It was at that time that I told him to get out of my room. He didn’t come back to school next semester.

TL;DR Dude tells a bunch of crazy stories that don’t add up. When it gets to be too much my friend calls him out on it and his world comes crashing down.

“she was probably in need of psychiatric help for her to create such elaborate lies…”

A girl from highschool added me on Facebook. I was looking through her profile to see what she was up to as it had been a few years. She was apparently pregnant with twins (at least 3 posts a day about how she was feeling being pregnant, going to buy baby clothes, having ultrasounds). She had also put up some ultrasound pics.

Now this girl has always seemed to elaborate the truth, inventing boyfriends and other stories, I guess to make her life seem more interesting. Because of this I was suspicious (and bored) so I reversed image searched the ultrasound pics and after a few minutes found them on a stock photography site! I joked about this discovery to some mutual friends, but then kinda forgot about it. A few weeks later, some more pictures go up, again taken from somewhere else. It was kind of pissing me off as she was fooling all these well-meaning people giving her advice and sympathy, including a woman who was unable to have kids…

I did think about calling her out on it to everyone publicly, but I thought she was probably in need of psychiatric help for her to create such elaborate lies for so long. I privately messaged her, she admitted she was lying and told me she was seeking help and getting medication for it (prob also lies). She then told me the only way to fix the problem was to pretend she had a miscarriage, which i saw her post on facebook. A few weeks later all the posts referring to the babies were removed.

I left it at that, and now she’s blocked my access to her page so I guess she doesn’t want me calling her out on stuff again.

“She made up a kid, saying she “pretty much” adopted him…”

I worked with this chick who lied about everything imaginable.

She would call in one day saying she totaled her car, then drive that car to work the next day.

She made up a kid, saying she “pretty much” adopted him because his parents are iraq veterans and are mentally unstable now. The kid would randomly have meningitis and be recovered 2 days later, etc.

As I was new and trusting I believed her crazy stories for a while but eventually learned my lesson. I quit and about a year later she added me on Facebook saying she was living in Australia, I didn’t believe her. Then came the ultrasound pictures.. again, I didn’t believe her. Now she has posts of her and a baby and of her in the hospital but I’m still looking for a way for them to be F*ke because I cannot possibly imagine anyone crazy enough to make a baby with her.

“I refuse to allow my wife to transfer any of this money…”

Moved to Chicago, and my wife befriended a girl at school right off the bat. She became a big part of our life, particularly since we didn’t really know many people in the city. After just a few months, we were seeing her almost every day.

Fast-forward two years: My wife and I are just about to buy our first home. She is living in a nice new apartment with our good friend from back home (her old place burned down AS HE WAS DRIVING UP to move in with her!) and she is suffering from her third bout with cancer. This one is really, really bad. She has to do some experimental chemotherapy to get it taken care of, but here’s the thing– some clerical error botched her insurance! She isn’t covered, and they are threatening to deny treatment if she can’t come up with the money to pay for it. Her family has given all they can give, and the balance has gone down from exactly what my wife and I were going to spend on our new home to something like 5,000 dollars. She leaves my wife many sobbing messages about how she is giving up hope, and may as well curl up and die.

My wife, being the incredible person she is, rallies everyone we know to help her! She sets up a PayPal donation blog and hundreds of dollars start pouring in– her former boss even cuts a check for a thousand bucks!

Having grown suspicious, I refuse to allow my wife to transfer any of this money over to our sick friend until we get definitive proof that this is legitimate. I insist that she accompany her on a trip to the hospital– which was canceled at the last minute. I eventually track down a phone number and call the girl’s dad and “ask him how to best get the donation money to the hospital.”

He fre*ks out and tells us she doesn’t have cancer. She is snatched up, and re-institutionalized. Turns out, she’s done this before! Twice! She’s a pathological liar, and (over months of reviewing our relationship with her and describing the situation to various medical professionals) a sociopath.

There was no fire, there was no cancer, there was no abusive, cheating ex-fiance (who probably started the fire). Those brakes didn’t “mysteriously stop working for six blocks,” she was just embarrassed that she ran a stop sign. She never had MRSA. A million other little lies slowly revealed themselves in the months after, in the clear light of hindsight.

We’ve never seen or spoken to her since.

TL;DR: A sociopath lied her way into our life, and tried to con us out of thousands of dollars after years of friendship.

“I’m the only Brittany that worked there.”

Not exactly a huge lie, but a blatant one and a great story…

I used to work at a hotel and one day a rather bitchy woman was insisting we upgrade her for free to a nicer room since it was vacant (she could tell because it was poolside and she could see through the patio door it was vacant) and she might as well enjoy it if no one else was. I politely explained that I was not able to do that since it was a busy weekend and the room would likely sell.

Well that night after work I went and got my hair chopped off…from mid back length to a bob and looked like a completely different person. So I go into work the next day and this lady is still there and comes up to me and starts asking the same exact thing she asked me the previous day. So I again explain to her why I could not do that and she says “Well I talked to Brittany (me) yesterday and she told me it wouldn’t be a problem to upgrade today.”

I’m the only Brittany that worked there. She just remembered my name from my name tag and tried to pull a fast one but didn’t recognize me because of my new haircut.

When I informed her of her mistake it was close to the greatest moment of my life.

“But that’s it! No more secrets!”

When I was 14, I was rooting around old boxes of pictures and whatnot for some kind of school project. I found an ultrasound of me in my mom, but my mom’s last name on the ultrasound was that of her previous husband, not my dad. In the same box, I found my mom and dad’s marriage certificate, dated seven months before my birth. I’d always been told my parents were married for years before they had me, so I went to ask my mom about it.

She looked chagrined and explained that they’d been together for several years before I was conceived, but, being hippies, they didn’t see the need to get the paperwork done before there was a kid in the mix. This didn’t bother me–my parents were 34 and 37 when I was born, so this wasn’t like a shotgun wedding situation.

“But that’s it! No more secrets!” my mom said.

Two hours later she came back into my room and told me I had a half-brother.

“Do the subtraction!”

Got dumped by my long-time (7+ years) girlfriend on February 6, 2007. Begs me to stay friends, but suddenly I am no longer welcome at her house, she hangs up on our conversations when the kids come in the room, etc.

She announces she has a new boyfriend on March 24. I cut all contact, no need for lawyer – not married, no Facebook so no delete.

We both eventually join Facebook, but I block her so she doesn’t see me. On January 26, 2010, she announces how wonderful her 3 year anniversary dinner was with her boyfriend.

Do the subtraction…BUSTED!

“I noticed that she had recently blocked me from seeing her Facebook wall.”

Last term I had a class where almost my entire grade was a series of pieces done in a group then an end of term presentation (we did not choose our group members). For the most part all of the group members but one contributed a fair amount. She would send the group emails making excuses of why she was skipping meetings or not coming to class for things like allergic reactions etc. Four days before our final presentation she sent my entire group and our GTF an email saying she was going to miss the final presentation because her mother had cancer and a heart condition and lives in California and she needed to fly to see her last minute. The email was too detailed and looked sketch from the start but no one had the guts initially to question someone saying she would be out of town to visit her mother on her death bed.

The day of the presentation I noticed that she had recently blocked me from seeing her Facebook wall. I asked my other group members if she did the same to them and she had. I then asked one of our mutual Facebook friends what her wall said. The entire page was her talking about going to Lake Shasta for the weekend with her sorority. My friend printed out the page and my group members and I made the decision to give it to our GTF.

The GTF and professor would not discuss with our group what they had determined but I later found out that she failed the course, had been kicked out of the department/her major (I’m not sure if she was kicked out of the whole school), lost her scholarships, then as a result couldn’t make grades or requirements for her sorority which she was also dismissed from.

That was last Spring. About 2 weeks ago I ordered pizza and when I came down to my apartment lobby to pick it up, she was my delivery girl and had easily put on 20 pounds.

To some degree I feel bad or almost guilty that my group told on her for not having academic integrity. I’ve never been super smart in school, I have to work really hard for the B’s I do get and for her to get by bullsh^tting her way through a required important course because she wanted to be drunk and vacationing with her sorority instead while saying it was about a family emergency was just unacceptable and unfair to our group who had put in hours of video taping, writing, reporting all term.

TL;DR Told on a girl for cheating and screwing over my whole group by making up a lie her mom was dying when she really was at Shasta with her sorority, she got kicked out and delivers pizza now.


Senior year of college, four of us were assigned a major group project (I forgot for what class). One of the group members was the type of person who loved to take on responsibility, but could never deliver on it; always excuses, suspicious family deaths, etc. that prevented her from doing any work.

For whatever reason, she was assigned to compile all of our research and work into the final document. The deadline approaches, and she always has an excuse for why she can’t show us what she’s done so far. Finally, with a couple days to go before it’s due, we corner her and ask her to produce the paper. She asks us to give her a day to clean it up and save it to a 3.5″ floppy, which we allow (I know, bad decision).

The next day, she proudly hands me the disk and runs off. OK, great. I take the disk back to my room to get the paper, and put it in the drive. Nothing happens. I keep trying, getting all sorts of disk read errors. I call her up and she insists she just saved it on there, she doesn’t know why it’s happening, oh and SHE DELETED IT FROM HER MACHINE SO IT’S THE ONLY COPY. Ok.

I call up another group member who comes over and we’re sitting around complaining about her, trying to figure out what we’re going to do. While we’re sitting there bitching, he’s absentmindedly sliding the little metal part of the 3.5″ disk back and forth, which exposes the disc surface… to which “someone” had taken a pencil and written all over. Very hard. Like, so the disc wouldn’t work.

We went to confront her, but she had already left a note saying she had to go home for “an aunt’s funeral for the next few days” and “hoped we were able to get that paper off the disc!”

“I see emails from my ex-girlfriend dating back at least a month…”

My father called me up one day all pissed because he couldn’t get into his gmail account. Instead of wasting time trying to figure out what his malfunction was, I asked him for the last four of his social so I could just reset his password and get him in.

I had no idea gmail would automatically log you in after doing the password reset. Upon getting logged in, I see emails from my ex-girlfriend dating back at least a month or more.

She had broken up with me a few weeks prior.

The one little summary line that will forever be burned into my memory was: “I can’t believe the way you touched me last night”.

Needless to say, my therapist earned quite a bit of money in the following weeks.

Oh, and they got married two months ago. Yeah, that’s right, my ex-girlfriend is now my step mother.

I have no contact with either of them. YAY FAMILY!

“…she calls to inform him she has, you guessed it, cancer.”

Not my story but a buddy of mine had a girlfriend all through high school. His senior year his father dies after quite a long battle with cancer. He is moving across the country to go to college so he breaks up with her.

A couple weeks later, she calls to inform him she has, you guessed it, cancer. He ends up back with her for support. He goes to school and literally 2 years goes by and shes telling him all the treatment she’s going through, how terrible it is, and he’s there an supportive. He doesn’t really see her so its hard to really determine whats going on other than her word. Finally after 2 years he comes back home and realizes that she looks healthy as she ever has. He starts to really question and look into it being physically there to do so and finds out she made it all up.

Due to this situation no lie a person can tell to manipulate a relationship will ever truly surprise me.

“That’s where I met the girl he had been dating for the past year.”

I had been dating this guy for 10 months up until it was time for me to leave for college. He was going to a local college, but I was moving to a different time zone (scholarship and all). Since I knew how hard it would be to maintain a long distance relationship, I broke up with him and we planned to remain friends. After less than a month at school, we decided to get back together – after all, we were spending several hours a day talking and seemed to really be in love.

That fall break, he drove down to spend the week with me, and it was phenomenal! However, after he left, I noticed that he had left a sent email up on my computer. Curiosity got the better of me so… He was writing to some girl I had never heard of about his road trip to visit colleges he might want to transfer to. There was no mention of me or anything we had done during his visit whatsoever. I lost my damned mind! I decided he must be cheating on me – or if he wasn’t yet, he was planning on it. I broke up with him and spent the next month crying.

Somehow, over Christmas break, he convinced me that I had jumped to conclusions. He was all I ever wanted, and no one could love me like he did. We started talking again. I went back home over the summer, and we started up right where we had left off. It was fantastic for a while. I can’t remember what he did to make me stop talking to him again, but I broke it off for good. A week later, I found out his dad died. I had been the girl in his life for the previous two years, so I decided I had better go to the wake and show him that I still cared even though we weren’t together.

That’s where I met the girl he had been dating for the past year. The girl he had emailed from my computer. The 16 year old girl who seemed just as surprised to find out about me. The problem was that his father was lying dead 5 feet away. I couldn’t yell at him or anything. I had to drive home and scream to myself in the car.

“His favorite con is to find women that he works with, tell them all about his daughter…”

There’s a guy in the DFW area who has become legend amongst my social circles. Let’s call him Don, not real name. Don is of medium build, in OK shape, balding, and walks with a very slight limp. There are some pretty horrible scars on his forearms. Don works in IT positions, and seems to know a fair amount about computers. Don will keep, in his cube, a framed case of military medals. No MOH or anything, but some medals.

If asked, Don will explain that he is ex-army, ex-Blackwater. And if pressed, he may give some other details. How he was hit by an RPG that failed to detonate, but broke his ribs. How he got into firefights. How he’s been discharged for now due to too much damage to his body – if he can get physical therapy, and some operations, there’s a chance the military will let him back in. Don is fairly charming with the wimmens. He may also mention that he has a daughter, that he’s a single dad, and other stories that are believable.

Don is a con artist.

I worked with him at a company in 2006. His knowledge of military matters was such that he fooled two of our co-workers who were ex-Army (one of them was a Ranger). Something always struck me about him being “off”, per se, but after a couple months, Don abruptly quit and disappeared.

Fourteen months later, a very close friend of mine mentions that the cops were looking for one of HIS co-workers. This guy, my friend said, had been telling everyone that he was ex-special-forces, ex-Blackwater, had a case of medals on his desk–

“Whoa,” says I, “Is his name Don _____?” Why yes, it is. And he is in a world of trouble. Seems Don was never in the military. His favorite con is to find women that he works with, tell them all about his daughter at home, and then one day… that daughter dies in a car accident. Or of a brain aneurysm. And he needs a little cash to borrow for the funeral. Or better yet, he will date professional corporate women who are otherwise taken – BF, husband, separated, etc. – and get into their good graces. Once he is, he will wait until these women are out of town, steal everything they have of value, and turn it into cash. I am talking boats, cars, checkbooks, jewelry, etc.

I found all this out after my friend’s experience. I googled Don’s real name, and I found a SLEW of people who are after his ass. One of them is an ex-military group that hunts down people who make false claims about medals received.

Then three years after that, one of my co-workers at a completely different job got burned by the same guy. Don wasn’t working there, but he’d run into this new target at a bar. When I found out who she was involved with, I shat a brick and had her google the guy’s name. She broke up with him five minutes later over the phone, even though he owed her a borrowed $800.

TL;DR – There is a con artist in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area who I worked with, and he keeps stealing from people I know.

Be cautious out there, folks.

“One afternoon while she was passed out drunk and I was stuck taking care of her daughter…”

I was dating an alc*holic with several other mental issues that weren’t immediately apparent. We had been dating for about a month and a half when I realized that “hey, drinking every single day isn’t as fun as I thought it was.” When I stopped drinking and going to the bar every day she started to hide it and I’d come over to her house after work to find really disturbing things like she’d be passed out at 4:00pm drunk while her 3 year old daughter was running around free.

Finally I had enough, I contacted the child’s father and explained what was going on (they were fighting for custody at the time, he was a stable well to do person with a secure job and she was a drunk) then told her that we were through. Two days later she pulled the “i’m pregnant” trick on me…. WOW.

Now some things started to not add up in my mind. She somehow at 3 weeks pregnant had an ultrasound done as well as 3 positive pregnancy tests she wouldn’t let me look at. Combined with the fact she would never let me come to the “doctor’s” with her and her drinking never slowed down I decided to start investigating.

One afternoon while she was passed out drunk and I was stuck taking care of her daughter I was on her computer and found the image of the ultrasound. Conveniently the last modified date on the file was 4 days before the actual date on the printed picture (she had obviously downloaded the picture).

This lead me to google “ultrasound pictures” and there was the exact picture she had shown me about 1/2 way down the page. From there it all went downhill as she was the type once caught in a lie they become insanely aggressive and deny everything.

Eventually she tried to show me the positive pregnancy tests not realizing they had the “use before” date on them and the date was for 4 years previous which happened to exactly coincide with when her current daughter was born.

Eventually after days and days of fighting she went on a huge binge and was found by her mother face down in puke while again her daughter was left to her own devices. She was brought to the hospital where blood tests confirmed she was not pregnant and was probably on the verge of liver failure.

2 years later I heard that she ended up having another kid with a real loser and was rescued by the fire dept. one night after passing out with cigarette and lighting her house on fire with both kids in it. Her kids are now with their fathers and last I heard she is still an alc*holic and no one knows where she is.

TL;DR – Dated a fun single mom that was actually an alc*holic and tried to pull the “im pregnant” trick to keep me when I left which blew up in her face.

note: I never felt comfortable being introduced to her daughter so early into the relationship and I was very clear about that however circumstances lead to me not feeling comfortable leaving the kid alone with her as she was always always drunk. Also she lived in an apartment above her mother and grandmother who completely ignored the situation. I mean I would come over to find her passed out drunk and her mom doing the dishes like it was perfectly normal.

“I documented everything in an email to the faculty member…”

I am (seems like forever) a PhD student at a D-I university. Now, the typical graduate student/faculty member is not really involved in the campus life here. I’m not your typical student, I am in my 40s with my undergrad from the same place. I am a season ticket holder for the basketball team for 10+ years. Safe to say, I am a fan!

I was asked to proctor a final exam for a class, but I was unfamiliar with the students so before I handed out the exam, I had everyone sit up straight and took pictures around the room (kind of panoramic). I asked the students to write their names on the back page of the exam and turn them in face down. All I did was check to see that the name was written on the back.

When I check the name of the second student to turn in the test, I did a double take. I knew the name and that was not his face. Star player had sent someone else in to take the his exam. My only words were “Dude, really? as the impostor scooted out the door. As the other students in that area of the turned in their exams, I simply asked them to remember the gender, race, hair color and other descriptives about the person who had occupied that seat.

As the exam wound up, I documented everything in an email to the faculty member and forwarded the digital photos. She sent me back the player’s email thanking her for all the extra help and expressing confidence in how he had done on the exam. She reviewed the photos and the only person not recognized was the white guy taking an exam for the black star player.

Busted. Slam Dunk. It cost him a year of eligibility and a bunch of other campus service requirements. Give credit to his mom. She told him he could not transfer, had to grow up and deal with his cheating, and had to regain academic eligibility.

The moral of all these stories? Just don’t tell the big lies. It never works out. They always eventually catch up with you. Maybe not this time, but you’ll keep on lying and one day somebody will call you on your bullsh^t.