It can be difficult to really wrap your mind around a lifestyle that’s different from your own – even if you’re really trying, it can be easy to make offensive mistakes. They can usually be rectified, though, by listening to people in the community when they let you know what you’ve said isn’t appreciated.

If you want to up your ally game, make sure these 17 (perhaps unintentionally) homophobic comments don’t pass your lips.

#17. “Nice shirt. Does it come in men’s sizes?”

You’re hilarious, truly. #sarcasmfont

#16. “You don’t seem that gay. I wouldn’t have guessed!”

Good thing it’s not a party game.

#15. “Is she really a lesbian or did she just give up on men?”

These are not mutually exclusive. Just saying.

#14. “If she’s just going to date butch women, why not keep dating men?”

If you don’t know the difference, you might want to head back to school.

#13. “I get that you want to experiment, but that doesn’t mean you’re gay.”

Maybe, maybe not. Everyone’s process of finding themselves is different, so don’t diminish someone else’s experience.

#12. “I’m not prejudiced! I even have a gay friend!

Awesome. Andrew Jackson also adopted a Native American child but I’m pretty sure the people who died on the Trail of Tears didn’t give a sh*t.

#11. “That’s so gay.”

Unless you’re using it to mean “truly fabulous,” please cut it out.

#10. “She left me and became a lesbo. Where did I go wrong?”

I’m guessing there are a multitude of ways, starting with the fact that you think you’re important enough to be able to alter someone’s sexuality.

#9. “I knew he was gay because real men don’t look like that.”

You might want to redefine “real man” as anyone who identifies as a man, full stop.

#8. Upon seeing a trans woman: “I’d be terrified to see what they’re packing.”

Here’s the truth: they’re not trying to fool you, they’re just walking down the street as their truest self, same as you.

#7. “I thought he was a man like me!”

He is definitely a man, though hopefully more enlightened than you.

#6. “I know she’s a lesbian, but does she have to be so butch?”

Just like every other person in the world, she’s allowed to dress and cut her hair and wear her makeup (or not) the way she wants. Mind your business. She’s not there to turn you on.

#5. “I get that you’re gay, but do you have to be so flamboyant.”

Yep. Next question.

#4. “It’s cool if my girl is bi, as long as she invites me into the action.”

Stop. Lesbians do not exist to fulfill your fantasies.

#3. Thinking it’s okay to say “c*ck sucker,” “fag,” or “fairy” as an insult.

It’s not, and the fact that so many people still think it’s okay to say shows how systemic the issues are.

#2. “I don’t care if you’re gay, just don’t try to flirt with me.”

First of all, it’s not like you can be talked into being gay the way you can be into a new car. Second, whose to say he even finds you attractive?

#1. “Didn’t she used to date guys?”

Mind. Your. Business.

Now you know!