While marriage is supposed to be forever, it doesn’t often work out that way.
Sometimes with divorces, there’s a slow, tortuous buildup to the end with enough drama and/or introspection to fill a few diaries cover to cover. Then there are those marriages where everything combusts in a moment, like it did in most of these 19 stories from various Reddit threads.
Hopefully at least one fun divorce party was had after these proceedings!
1. Broiled was given lots of red flags.
Probably when I returned home and found all the furniture, food and my wife missing.
Another hint was the empty bank account.
2. Then shouldn’t cdc194 and his ex be going to hell for divorcing?
She wasn’t religious when we met, 10 years later she told me I was going to hell for believing in dinosaurs.
3. Buckaroo_Banzai_ just wanted a new shirt.
My wife put on 170 lbs over 10 years. I never said anything and supported her attempts at weight loss.
One day I was trying on an old Steelers jersey that didn’t fit, because I had gained 15 lbs in 10 years. I said, “Well, i guess it’s time to buy a bigger jersey.” her response:
“We’re not blowing money on a stupid jersey. You’ll just have to lose weight.”
Fucking
Done
4. Metyuadem saw the demise of two relationships at once. What a show.
When I came home to find her sister’s husband naked in my bed.
5. Nobody likes taking the bus, but this person’s ex could’ve kept that thought to herself.
On my 6th birthday I got a dog named Ace, an absolutely beautiful golden retriever chow mix that was my only friend throughout a very lonely elementary-middle school life.
My parents called me one day in July of 2009 while I was at work (I was stationed in my hometown after a few tours) telling me they were taking him to be put down because he was having some terrible medical problems and in pain.
I asked my Top if I could go and he threw me out of the office, on the way towards my folks house I called my wife at work (DQ) crying hysterically about it. I told her that she will have to either take the bus home or have her mother take her.
The bus was a straight route and would take 15 minutes, and her mom lived between her work and our house so it would be no hassle anyway.
Cut the story short, she starts screaming at me for caring more about a “stupid f*cking dog” than her having to take the bus home, I hung up and that was it. I never kissed or hugged her again.
6. If Raven2002 wasn’t that hurt by his friend, he needs better friends.
I came home early from work because of a migraine. Found him in bed with my best friend.
Oddly, I was more hurt by her behavior than his.
Broomed them both that day.
7. GoingBackToKPax takes things literally.
The last straw? The one they kept snorting coke with.
8. This person’s ex was very upfront about their opinions/forcing them on other people.
When he said ‘okay, I won’t force you into converting anymore, but I’m going to pressure you a little bit and talk a lot about my religion to you so that you’ll accept the truth eventually’.
At least there was honesty involved in this failed conversion.
10. Molunkusmol delivered a great comeback on such short notice.
I suspected my then husband of cheating, so I followed him. I went to the house where he was and saw him outside with a little boy. I was angry and asked (not meaning it), “Who is that – your son?” He said, “Yes.”
Yikes – surprise – he had another family! Time to split! My response, “I don’t ever want to see you again. On your deathbed will be too soon.”
11. _Blood_Fart_ is familiar with the adventures of the sea.
After having sex, her lover would wipe his “nut” on my pillow.
Came home from work and laid right in it 2 times. She claimed I drooled in my sleep.
I know the taste of seamen, she could not fool me.
12. It’d be interesting to know how often 1angrydad consumes this fruit now.
Bananas.
We were grocery shopping, and I pick up a bunch of bananas and she immediately started in with “Why are you getting bananas?! You’re not going to eat them, put them back! Right now!”
Literally yelling at me and berating me in public for bananas.
When we got back to the house, I told her I was done.
One too many crazy episodes for me.
13. Shakeyjake discovered the power of writing.
When I sat down and wrote down all my life’s goals and ambitions and realized that when I imagined my happiest self in the future it didn’t include her.
14. It’s shocking that noisycat’s husband was shocked.
My husband informed me he was moving the girl he had been having an affair with into our house.
He wasn’t divorcing me – he fully expected I’d be passive enough to accept it.
According to his friends and family, he was “shocked” I left.
15. Zinere could’ve ended up without the dog, which would’ve been worse.
When she dropped me off on a major highway in Florida with no cell, no money, my dog and a bag of clothes that is when I made the choice this woman’s getting a divorce.
16. Was_creative_once shouldn’t be so modest about his math skills.
Came home from a seven month deployment overseas to a five month pregnant wife. I’m no mathematician but I figured that one out
Putting two and two together can be hard sometimes.
17. Emodius and his ex had different ideas about work.
Ex wife said “You should get a second job”. I’m like, “Bitch, you should get a first job”. I knew.
18. DidymusNoble doesn’t understand the importance of cat food.
My dad left a passive aggressive note about not leaving a can of cat food in the fridge. My Mom confronted him about the tone of the note.
A fight ensued, Dad tried to escape to his man cave, Mom made the mistake of barging in to continue the fight while he was trying to calm down, Dad erupted in 25 years worth of pent up rage.
A can of cat food…
19. It’s unclear what WHATS_WITH planned to do with the one breast implant.
The day she showed up with a bo*b job and new boyfriend.
I wanted to sue for the right one, but my lawyer didn’t like that idea. I wanted my half!
Presumably he intended to do nothing fruitful with the F*ke bo*b.
Well, that was something I’ll never forget. What a bunch of insane stories!
Do you have one that you want to share? Do it in the comments!