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Twitter can’t literally be an endless supply of comedy, because everything has limits. But are there more funny tweets out there than you could ever read in your lifetime?
Somebody did the math and in 2016 they estimated that…
Every second, on average, around 6,000 tweets are tweeted on Twitter, which corresponds to over 350,000 tweets sent per minute, 500 million tweets per day and around 200 billion tweets per year.
So yeah, you’re welcome for sifting through all that to bring you these gems.
1. What the duck?
I just realized when your phone autocorrects to “ducking” it means crouching down and has nothing to do with ducks. How did I forget that was a real word
— Jordd™ (@jordantink) December 16, 2018
2. All the Walmart feels…
I am not in a Walmart parking lot physically right now but I am in a Walmart parking lot emotionally
— ruth? (@RuthAnnJoy) June 3, 2019
Mothers coming into your room after telling you to get up for the last hour pic.twitter.com/YselW7XnzI
— ℛ’ ʰℒℒℴ ℛ (@versacherries) May 24, 2019
4. You’re so complicated. I love it.
Crush: what are u doing
Me: laying in bed listening to music
Crush: nice what kind
Me: it’s memory foam
Crush: no like who’s your favorite artist
— fishy? (@fishbowel) May 20, 2019
5. Oh shit.
This divorce lawyer. I’m screaming pic.twitter.com/oS7BXCLJdM
— Elizabeth Sampat (@twoscooters) May 19, 2019
6. Did you think about THAT mom?!
oh yeah? Well caterpillars also stay in bed for a month at a time and look how they turn out
— Mac McCann (@MacMcCannTX) May 18, 2019
7. Wait, that doesn’t work??
her: will u take out the garbage
me: do it yourself
me: BACKSPACE uh I mean ok sure
her: wait did u just-
me: CTRL+Z doing it now
her: u can’t just “undo” this conversation
Me: ESC ESC idk what ur talking about CTRL+ALT+DEL
— alien skier ??? (@clichedout) May 15, 2019
8. MOM! Stop momming!
My sister is trying to have a baby and my mom is continuing to be a headass pic.twitter.com/4A4YlZTDOA
— Mary (@merm__) March 31, 2019
9. This whole thread…
reply to this with the weirdest image in your phone gallery ill start pic.twitter.com/vLrWXywdvs
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) May 15, 2019
… is amazing…
— Elijah Dylan • (@ElijahDYL) May 15, 2019
… thank me later.
— Eric Lemieux (@ealemieux) May 15, 2019
10. Dat spidey!
Why is Spiderman so thicc pic.twitter.com/btkkvBRpja
— Zach Mullis (@zmullis) May 26, 2019
11. I wish I had done this as a child…
my sister saw two unaccompanied little children in a trench coat giggling amongst themselves yesterday and i am absolutely howling pic.twitter.com/Q3emyEDxgN
— royse (@Roysenotes) April 15, 2019
12. Yes. I have done this.
Did you even do an essay if you didn’t do google search like this… pic.twitter.com/Ezbeue0BlH
— Princess Tas (@_taz_maniaa) May 31, 2019
13. Immediate teamwork!
Just watched a man bringing home a goldfish on the train accidentally pop the bag- fish flops onto the floor. 3 people swarm to save him (the fish not the man). Guy chugs the last of his coffee and throws the fish in his cup. Lady next to him empties in her bottle of water.
— Hannah Baxter (@Isapalindrome) April 17, 2019
14. This is so complicated!
I found a phone by the pool earlier and texted the person who kept texting to let them know I’d found the phone and now TWO people are saying it’s their boyfriend’s and he’s saying don’t give it to one of them but she might lie so fuck this shit I just called his mom now he’s mad
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) June 2, 2019
15. Just 8-year-old things…
my 8 year old daughter emails me a lot while I’m at work pic.twitter.com/WjyEj0WdFX
— ?Coquelicot wide awake? (@ChaosMuffet) June 2, 2019
16. Not gonna lie… I’ve done this…
me: [whispers] “don’t tell my wife i made bacon in the toaster”
my wife: [getting out car] “what the hell happened?!”
all 6 firemen: “he made bacon in the toaster”
— k e i t h ?? (@KeetPotato) July 19, 2018
17. Wait… what were you GOING TO say?
BUILDING INSPECTOR: what’s this called
DARTH VADER: the death—
[inspector’s eyes look up from his clipboard]
DARTH VADER: uh the health star
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 15, 2015
not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time i truly felt free
— James (@CaucasianJames) May 6, 2019
19. Oh Johnny…
Y’all this Johnny Cash boot pic got me fucked up lmao pic.twitter.com/UtvzBCuS5c
— and my glock (@cumwitch) May 23, 2019
Sorry, can’t stop laughing…
Will text later…