20 Reasons We Should Just Stop Bringing Kids to Weddings

There’s a very important question we don’t talk about enough: should kids be allowed at weddings? Now you might be saying “What a stupid question. Of course they should! A wedding is about family and togetherness and marking an important day in the lives of people we love!”

But bear in mind that we’re not talking about kids as in high school, we’re talking children. People at the stage of humanity where pretty much all you do is scream and run and remain oblivious to social cues. Is that really an element we want at an expensive, carefully planned event?

Consider these bits of testimony from people who have witnessed the effects first hand.

20. Forever hold your peace

You know it’s bad when the minister starts digging in.

19. Separation anxiety

“What are you doing to her up there?! Return her immediately!”

18. Water wedding

I’m sure the parents were absolutely thrilled.

17. Don’t let them eat cake

It’s fine, that was only like a $400 piece of food.

16. Something borrowed, something spewed

And I’m sure you haven’t lived it down since.

15. Cower from flowers

That’s a lot of pressure on a little kid.

14. Shake, rattle, and wail

Yep. That’s what babies do. All the time. Always.

13. Ring around the rosy

We’ll circle back to this when you’re older.

12. Picture this

They were framed I tells ya, framed!

11. Beady little eyes

Water, water, everywhere, and not a drop to drink.

10. A tale of two kiddies

That’s one expensive poop that kid is gonna take later.

9. You got served

What did we learn here today?

8. Best bee-havior

Nobody else was talking about this? You’d think it would be all the buzz.

7. Utter chaos

It’s almost like children don’t understand or care about ceremonies.

6. Oh, baby

“It’s cool, this only cost $1,000.”

5. Chocolate rain

I wonder if she made any veiled threats.

4. Pray and spray

I can smell this story.

3. Bloody h**l

He just wanted to show off his moves.

2. Leap of fate

My wedding, my choice.

1. Break a leg!

This is the final bit of evidence anyone should need.

I don’t think we need to see any more evidence; it’s clear that weddings are not a place for kids. Henceforth anyone bringing tiny child persons to a wedding shall be sentenced to spend the entire time getting dirty looks. It is so ordered by this imaginary internet court. *gavel gavel*

But what say you, people of the jury?

Let us know your opinion in the comments.