If you, like me, have a cold, cold heart, you should come and warm yourself by the fire with these hot burns. The internet is a strange place. If we’re not dunking on each other politically or philosophically, we’re trying to one-up each other with jokes. And that sounds cynical, because it is, but it’s also kind of a lot of fun.
Often times, a solid Twitter reply, for instance, will gain so much heat that the person getting dunked on will erase the original tweet, but screenshots are forever. To be good-natured, we’ve covered up the screen names of any such deleted bits. After all, we can’t start taking the internet too seriously.
25. Holy crap
(The original tweet came from a woman who maybe didn’t realize what she was walking into.)
24. Just jealous
My favorite thing about this Grinch account is that it was made when the movie came out and then just vanished.
23. Naming names
It’s almost like common names can be found in any region?
22. Shots fired
This is almost too brutal to laugh at. Almost.
21. Think outside the burn
Brands, BRANDS, you’re both pretty!
20. Flat out awful
Maybe you should just go away, Chris.
19. Deep dive
Don’t mess with a journalist, they’ll do their research.
18. Give him some space
This one is definitely in my top 8.
17. Stuck in the middle
Another “I have money and you don’t” burn that’s hard to be mad about.
16. Don’t cross me
This is a bridge too far.
15. First languages
Clearly she meant speak American. Yanno, talk about guns and stuff.
it was 1997 i was outside McDonald's on Queen St age 15, an old lady barked "speak English" at a pair of young Korean men and without missing a beat one of them goes "OOooo i want a nice cup of TEA look at ME I'm ENGLISH i want to eat PLAIN TOAST" i miss him every single day
— f*male b*tch (@Ahhmandah) June 4, 2019
14. Safety second
And just like Jurassic Park, we literally never learn.
Nothing more appropriate to honor the Jurassic Park legacy than opening before you should
— Barbara Stanwyck's Ghost (@kfsrhn) June 16, 2020
13. Special delivery
(Club = team for all my fellow basic Americans.)
Bit rich coming from a club that hasn't delivered since 1992… https://t.co/v2R2fLhcNq
— Pizza Hut Restaurants (@pizzahutuk) January 17, 2019
12. Social predictions
Don’t hold back, king.
You can do this already with a ZIP code. https://t.co/sVfNmDSQTo
— Luther M. Skull-er (@nfinitefreetime) April 5, 2018
11. Deep breaths
I might be suffocating but these download speeds are tight.
so just fuck oxygen right? https://t.co/xGKvZaPozX
— jay bigote! (@stickojay) January 11, 2018
10. Packing heat
It was planted on me, I swear.
Why do you keep stealing eggplant, Chase?
— Walmart (@Walmart) February 26, 2020
9. Cold shoulder
Every doctor: “This is way worse than a cold or the flu.”
Your cousin: “Nu uh.”
Just following the guidelines advised by the organization made up of individuals who have dedicated their entire lives to studying diseases and how to control and prevent them. I promise they know more than you.
— Tyler | Code WILDCAT (@I_AM_WILDCAT) March 16, 2020
8. Well actually
If he was around to hear this conversation he’d cut off his ear all over again.
7. Desperate measures
Get bent, bruh.
6. Just kidding
Nothing better than when you can turn around a yo mama joke.
5. Born and raised
“If we went back to using obsolete techniques and technologies, people would be confused.” – a boomer’s idea of a sick burn.
4. Don’t cry for me
If being a man means I don’t get to care about my own parents then screw it, I’m a wombat.
3. Granting wishes
That kid is going to be a lawyer when she grows up.
2. Can’t take the heat
But…but…I saw a meme somewhere that said…
1. The winter of our inconvenience
We’re so insular we literally forget there are other countries.
Phew. It’s nice and toasty in here now.
What’s your favorite internet burn?
Share it with us in the comments.