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Do you like dark humor? Love giggling at scary movies? Enjoy laughing at things that are terrifying AF?
Then these tweets are for you, fam!
Because if we weren’t laughing, we’d be crying.
Probably both, tbh.
1. Oh right!
Can’t lose the 2020 election if there is no 2020. pic.twitter.com/PhMdPu3x1h
— Bilge Ebiri (@BilgeEbiri) August 8, 2017
2. We’re dead.
*at my funeral*
Friend crying over my casket: look they’re burying her in her favorite dress
Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets
— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 3, 2017
3. That was a dark episode
I don’t remember this episode pic.twitter.com/eGCzwbH7iF
— Bucky Isotope (@BuckyIsotope) December 13, 2017
4. Solid plan!
I’m being proactive rn with this whole north korea thing, that’s right, I’m on the toilet with a cowboy hat so I can leave a funny skeleton
— christian (@nopoweradeinusa) August 9, 2017
5.Twitter knows what’s up…
Facebook: Essential oils.
Snapchat: I’m a bunny!
Instagram: I ate a hamburger.
Twitter: THIS COUNTRY IS BURNING TO THE GROUND.
— Jeanne Hulme (@jeannes_jargon) July 28, 2017
gonorrhea would’ve been a good name for a diarrhea medicine.
— gg allin (@tigersgoroooar) November 13, 2017
7. “Here you go you f**king bastard!
Damn I never realize how bad my potty mouth gets at school until I’m home for the holidays and I accidentally tell my gram to pass the fucking potatoes
— Andee (@andeee_o) December 23, 2017
8. Oh… so that’s how it played out. Well, justified then.
Jesus: *raising chalice* let us sup
Judas: what’s sup?
Jesus: Not much what’s up with you lmao
Judas: this is the last straw
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) March 7, 2016
9. im ded
i was so high that i thought gpa meant grade point average and then i realized she meant her grandpa who is dead pic.twitter.com/Uyw1P9KK3Z
— james (@anuscosgrove) February 21, 2016
Just found this massive syringe at my local park, right beside where the kids play football. Absolutely disgusting. pic.twitter.com/NBgRuVNppg
— John Brennan (@UpturnedBathtub) June 7, 2015
11. What dentists do
My dentist can do it all, from a simple cleaning to identifying my charred remains
— josh ‘Letterman’ (oldfriend99) (@oldfriend99) November 18, 2017
12. Good save
Autocorrect saved my job again pic.twitter.com/NHEfpCF2RL
— steve suckington (@SteveSuckington) June 27, 2016
13. That might be a nice day for him!
Me: have a nice day sir
*guy leaves store, gets hit by car crossing street*
*i run out, kneel beside him* what did I just fucken tell you
— rudy (@rudy_mustang) March 29, 2016
14. Stealing this for my death
At my funeral, I want the organist to start playing “Pop Goes the Weasel” really slowly, until everyone is staring at the coffin in dread
— Brandon Carbaugh (@BMCarbaugh) June 4, 2017
15. Oh shit
bob is dead pic.twitter.com/MPT59IB8Pa
— beedle stan (@trashlord5000) May 3, 2017
16. How can he not murder everybody?!
The Time Person of the Year should be the same every year: the person inside Big Bird, for resisting the urge to kill.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) November 25, 2017
17. I got it.
[Me, watching my murderer wipe down everything as I’m dying]: “Oh, you don’t have to do that, don’t worry about it.”
— She’s A Real Genius (@ShesARealGenius) September 29, 2016
18. Important questions need to be answered!!
Me: will there be sausage rolls?
Margaret [sobbing uncontrollably]: th-there-
Me [louder]: Margaret. Your husband’s funeral. Sausage rolls?
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) October 25, 2015
20. Yeah, but that’s the law…
21. kid: okay then…
23. Always me
24. Technically correct
26. Get out!
Now share this with your friends or we will definitely not think about murdering your entire family.
Nope, we won’t think about that at all.
Oh, you don’t have a family? They already got murdered?
Well then, don’t worry about it then.