Where would we be as couples without something to laugh at? It’s massively important, even if the thing we’re laughing at is…occasionally…each other.
One inquisitive soul set off a hilariously epic thread when they took to r/AskReddit to pose the following question:
There were tens of thousands of responses, and they are truly amazing. Thanks for these, Reddit.
1. There’s this patron of the arts.
Current gf thought that the movie showings during the day were “Manatee Shows”.
I had to explain to her that they are in fact “Matinee Shows”.
2. I supposed this woman is a hydra enthusiast?
She told me she only waxes her legs, because if you shave one hair, then it splits and two grow back in its place…
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3. Honestly, this one should write a book.
She’s not very good with words and English is her first language.
“I got freezer bite on my hands”
Her idioms also need some work:
“You sound like the wolf who cried”
“You opened up a whole new worm”
4. There were a WEIRD number of stories about women mixing these creatures up…
We were driving through some back roads and passed a couple pastures.
She saw some cows and started very excitedly trying to get my attention.
Grabbing on my arm and saying “babe, babe, look how FAT those horses are”
I have never let it go and she still doesn’t think it’s funny
5. Hey, vocabulary isn’t everybody’s subject.
We bought a new car.
She asked me if I changed the settings to Spanish because it said ‘Ajar’ on the dash when the door was open.
6. Sometimes, it’s the thought that counts.
When my wife and I started dating in the mid 1980’s she knew I was a huge fan of David Letterman.
She said she had a huge surprise for me as she had tickets to see Letterman at a local venue.
I was confused since David Letterman did not tour. I looked at the tickets she purchased and they were for the old 60’s band “The Lettermen”.
We didn’t go, but I married her. 30 years this September…
7. Pranking your S/O into saying something dumb is the best.
My favorite memory of my parents is going to some fast food joint, through the drive thru.
Mom is driving and giving our orders to the cashier. Just as she finishes my dad casually says “To go” my mom, and she turns back to the cashier and says “To go.”
Two seconds of buffering later and she slaps my dad full on in the chest, who is laughing f**king hysterically.
Dont think we’ve ever let her live that down.
8. Higher education.
My girlfriend in college attended my graduation and afterward says to me, “Man, there were a lot of people with the name ‘lawdy’.”
Each time someone was given their degree, it was announced whether they were graduating “cum laude” or not.
My girlfriend thought America’s largest family graduated from university with me that day – the Lawdy family (and they all looked unrelated.)
9. This seems like an absent-minded professor situation.
My deeply intelligent wife lost her CAR.
Like left it in a parking lot and somehow got home on Friday. Monday morning I get a text: “where’s my car?”
She’s gonna finish her medical degree next year.
10. These two aren’t equally yolked.
I showed her how to crack an egg by tapping it against another egg and she thought this meant any amount of force would be absorbed by only one egg and smashed two eggs together spraying yolk everywhere.
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11. In her defense, technology moves fast.
My now ex-girlfriend got a Polaroid camera for Christmas.
Jokingly one day I said “Does it take videos?” And she very seriously said “I’m sure it does but I haven’t tried that feature yet”
12. Some of these are slightly worrying…
She thought dragons existed. Now, I don’t even mean “she thought they were the same as dinosaurs”, I mean her favourite movie is How to Train your Dragon, and she believed that those movies accurately portrayed how vikings lived.
She genuinely thought vikings and dragons lived alongside each other. I don’t know if she thought that vikings actually rode the dragons or not, but at the very least she believed they coexisted.
13. Navigation is hard, just ask explorers.
Once me and my SO went for a walk around a local nature reserve.
On the way in we got a map given to us so we could navigate the area. Later on the walk she is looking at the map and says to me “these maps really need a ‘you are here’ on them.”
It took me a second to realise what she meant, so I explained that it’s a hand held map and that it wouldn’t be possible, it took 4/5 attempts before it clicked with her.
14. When we hurt the ones we love…
One time while dating my now wife, we got into a playful pinching fight while I was driving
(probably not a great idea, but we were young).
She starts getting frustrated and pinching harder, but my right arm was hooked on her left arm (like when you walk together with your arms hooked in movies).
She pinched herself and thought it was me, she pinched so hard she screamed and got mad. Her next reaction was what made me almost crash!
She doubled down and did it again harder and screamed even louder.
Somehow she didn’t realize it was her arm the way we were hooked together, even though in that position I had no way to touch her. She was getting p**sed because I was cracking up.
Just remembering her anger then confusing always makes me laugh.
15. I wish I knew how to quit you.
She ate cold turkey to try and quit smoking.
16. There was this amateur botanist.
I asked him to plant a baby tree in the back garden.
The next day I saw it and thought it looked strange.
Walked up and it had been planted upside down. He thought the roots were tiny limp branches.
Laughed for days
17. A father so proud that he forgets who he is.
I had a kid prior to getting together with my fiance and having a second daughter.
The father of my eldest is not in the picture and my wonderful fiance has taken her on as his own. To the point that he frequently forgets that she isn’t his genetic offspring.
We were at a holiday party at his parents house.
I was talking to my future sister in law about my eldest and her night terrors when fiance pops off with “she gets that from my side of the family…” cue really confused faces all around. His sister sat there and started questioning what other genetic diseases my eldest has magically got from stepdad. It took a few minutes before he figured it out.
I love this man…
3. New dads clearly have a lot to learn.
As I’m in labor with our daughter, my husband asks “Do you want her to have an innie or an outie belly button?” Weird question, but whatever.
So I tell him I don’t mind either way, both are cute. And then he says “Yeah, but when the Dr asks, which should we pick for her?”
He thought when they clamp the umbilical cord, parents tell the Dr the type of belly button they prefer. He’s really smart, I promise.
4. Gotta love this would-be chimney sweep.
One time my husband called me at work, “Babe, you’re gonna be mad, I made a mess but don’t worry I’ll fix it!” I didn’t even ask, just sighed, because he is basically Lucy from I Love Lucy. When I got home a little bit later it was to a living room COVERED in gray powder, my husband completely filthy with a trash bag and broom and a super panicked look on his face.
Turned out he’d decided to help around the house and wanted to clean the fireplace, he’d just decided the best way to do it would be to stand in front of it with a trash bag and use the leaf blower to blow the ashes in. – Spoiler – that doesnt work.
I didn’t want to hurt his feelings but I laughed my a** off and it’s still one of my favorite weird things he’s done
5. Here’s a confession from the man himself.
I’ll answer for my wife.
I had gone to Home Depot to pick up a trailer hitch ball for my truck. I didn’t realize that they had different shaft sizes, and I didn’t know which size I needed, so I called my wife and this conversation took place:
Me: “Are you at the house?” Her: “Yeah, why?” Me: “Can you go out to the driveway and measure the hole in the bumper of my truck? It should be either 1/2-inch or 3/4-inch.”
There’s a pause…
Her: “Isn’t your truck with you?”
Yes. Yes it was. That was how I had gotten to Home Depot. I forgot.
6. Some men were born to ponder the mysteries of the cosmos.
My boyfriend as we were looking up at the beautiful night sky.
“Wow, there’s so much we don’t know about the universe. Like where the stars go during the day. Are they still there? If not, where do they go?”.
He was dead serious.
7. This couple can’t get over these past tents.
My husband and I were at Canadian Tire and they had tiny examples of tents (basically looked like they were made for barbie dolls) and the pricing for each underneath.
He turned to me shocked and asked, “why are these so expensive for such tiny tents?!”.
I almost died laughing.
8. Another hilarious confessional here.
We were sitting in a bus in the middle of heavy rush hour traffic.
I’m kind of a car geek, so I spotted a mint condition 1970s classic Mustang.
I just went and said “Look honey! A car!”
There were hundreds of them.
… I don’t think she’ll let me live this down.
9. Maybe this guy misunderstood the “waste not, want not” principle.
I love my husband but I have watched him empty a vacuum cleaner bag into a wire wastebasket.
10. They say men refuse to ask for directions, but this is ridiculous.
My boyfriend didn’t realize Apple Maps gives directions.
He called me in a panic because he was lost and didn’t know how to get home. I calmly told him to open Maps and type in our address and it’ll navigate him home. He wouldn’t believe me. He insisted that Apple Maps is “just a general map of your nearby area.” I pleaded and pleaded with him to just try it and he refused.
He eventually made it home an hour later which I then sat him down and showed him how to use Apple Maps.
11. We’re guessing this one isn’t a chef.
My boyfriend thought that a sushi roll was a cross section of a raw eel.
12. Some of these dumb moments become treasured inside jokes.
My boyfriend (now husband) and I were playing cash cab when we first started dating.
For those of you who don’t know the concept of this game you have to try to answer as many questions as you can in a short amount of time, so you obviously answer really fast.
My question to him was “what animal in Africa kills the most people a year.” And he blurted out very loudly “ANTS!!!!”
I laughed so hard I was crying. 11 years later we still every once and awhile look at each other with a wild look in our eyes and yell “ANTS!”
13. Being bilingual is so sexy.
We passed by LA Fitness and I said, “oh cool there’s LA Fitness,” and he said, “I always thought it was la fitnesse”
14. Dumb can of course be dangerous…
He picked up our friend’s keys, thinking one of her keychains was a laser pointer.
It was mace.
He got a nice spray to the face and I was sitting right next to him, so I got a lovely dose as well. For the next 30 minutes or so the ENTIRE apartment was coughing and dying and trying to air the place out. Even our friend who was upstairs showering could feel the effects.
Still love him tho
15. And then there’s this gem.
He is super grossed out my periods, when I asked him what he would do if we had a daughter he replied “I just won’t change her diaper that time of the month.”
Amazing. Fascinating. 10/10, would continue to date and never let them live it down. Remember, we’re all dumb sometimes. Be good to each other.
What’s the dumbest thing your S/O has ever said or done?
Tell us in the comments.