A father took to Reddit’s “Am I the as$hole” page to ask about how he treated his teenage daughter about her weight. Read the man’s words and then decide how you feel about this situation.
Here is the full post from Reddit:
“This happened a few months ago. I just learned about this subreddit and thought this would be a good place to ask about a point of contention in the family.
My daughter is overweight. Not anything too drastic, but she is around 5’4 and 155 pounds. So she could stand to lose a few pounds. I’ve been concerned about her weight for a long time. None of it has been helped by my also-overweight, enabling wife.
On her 19th birthday, in August, we went on a hike in the state forest. She complained about it literally the entire time. She didn’t like that it was hot, she didn’t like the incline, she didn’t like the mosquitoes. I still encouraged her and pushed on, I think she was satisfied with having exercised at the end of it.
But, while we were driving back home, she knew that we would be driving past a Dunkin Donuts. She wanted me to stop so she could get herself a “birthday donut.” I said no. She was upset about it, saying she just wanted a donut and she’d just done this long hike to please me on her birthday. I argued calmly that she didn’t want to undo all the work of the hike by getting a donut. She said the one she wanted is 350 calories (which I doubt is true) and would fit into her day. I pointed out she’d probably be eating cake later. We didn’t stop and she sulked about it on the whole ride back. When we got home, she told her mother, who of course sided with her and went on a rant about how our daughter’s birthday shouldn’t be a time I’m preaching healthy eating.
I am trying to protect her health at every turn, when she spends most of her free time with her mother. Am I really the as$hole for not wanting to stop and get her a fatty donut after a nice hike?”
People weighed in on the situation and it was pretty clear that basically NO ONE was on this guy’s side.
“You’ve got to be f*ckin kidding my man. On her birthday, you forced your daughter into an activity I suspect you knew she would not enjoy, and then denied her a 75 cent treat. Beyond that, you didn’t even pretend you took the hike for time together, or– God forbid– her enjoyment; you made it clear that your focus for this event was getting her to exercise. You’re a huge as$hole.”
“This is completely the wrong way to go about helping someone lose weight.. One hike is not going to make a difference in the larger picture of health, but this memory is going to be burned into her brain. Health and weightloss is an ongoing lifestyle change and one doughnut has ZERO impact on her weight.
As someone who spent their teens slightly overweight, it was my relationship WITH food that was the problem, I was an emotional over eater, no matter how much I wanted to slim down. My parents withholding something like a doughnut only drove me to eat in secret and form unhealthy habits. such as binge eating. For teenage girls, their relationship with their body easily becomes a societal reflection of their self worth.
You say she “sulked” in the car home, she was probably filled with lots of shame and self hatred that she was fighting with her dad who clearly views her as fat. If you really want to help your daughter, which you seem to care about, you need to change your tactics.
Depriving her of one doughnut is not the solution, working on life long healthy patterns is. For me, I dropped weight in university when I found an activity I liked to do with friends and learning to cook my own food, so that when I wanted a something tasty, I could make something myself rather than grabbing and downing a bag of chips. You’re not wrong to want your daughter to be healthy, but weightloss is as much about mental health as physical.”
What do you think about this situation? Does the dad have a point or is he WAY off base?
Let us know in the comments!