Sex is a funny thing. Sometimes literally. There are so many emotions happening at once and so much blood pumping – with very little going to the brain – that you really don’t know what kind of nonsense might come flying out of someone’s mouth. Especially if that someone is a dude.
Take this Reddit thread of instance, kicked off by user Pity-Pinoy:
Ladies on Reddit, what was the dumbest thing a guy said after sex?
byu/Pity-Pinoy inAskReddit
There were thousands of responses ranging from the bizarre to the confusing to the downright cruel, but we wanted to highlight some of the funniest. Enjoy.
1. I come from a land down under.
I have a tattoo of the world on my back. This guy was f*cking me doggy style and pulled out to come on my back.
He then exclaimed, “woah, there’s a tsunami in Australia!”
I fell on my face laughing so hard.
– mizzlol
2. What can I say except…
He said “Alexa, play you’re welcome” and the speakers from each side of his bed began to serenade us with Dwayne The Rock Johnson’s voice as Maui from Moana.
Luckily we both got a pretty good laugh out of it
– tejavuu
3. Yosemite Sam would be proud.
I was snuggling with my boyfriend in the afterglow and I looked up at him and asked, “What are you thinking about?” Thinking he would say something sweet.
This b*tch dead*ss looks down at me and says “Mudflaps”.
[… He] had just bought a truck, so he was thinking about accessories a lot.
I wasn’t even mad, I laughed and then he laughed and we just laughed for like ten minutes at the dumbness of it.
– Nataface
4. Here are some greatest hits.
Wow I love my boyfriend but he says the dumbest stuff, especially right after sex.
Highlights include:
“You feel so dense right now. I’ve never felt more like there’s a man lying on me”
“I have so many thoughts running through my head right now. I wish I’d learned more yo-yo tricks”
And when I told him to stop playing with my nipple: “just imagine my finger is a tiny Zamboni”
– Tasty_Ice
5. Never forget the hyperfocus.
My boyfriend’s brain goes into this weird hyperfocus mode as soon as he comes so I’ll be laying on him catching my breath hoping to continue the fun, and he’ll blurt out something like
“I ordered some things to put in my yard to attract crows, I hope they like them. I’ve done a lot of research on attracting and befriending crows. But I wonder if they’d prefer something more like a game, or some kind of water feature?”
– dogwitablog
6. To be fair, what else is there to say in this situation?
Whoopsie daisy! after he finished too quickly
– queenofallyourdreams
7. Gotta give ’em a sporting chance.
My partner will sometimes slap my ass afterwards and say “good game!”
It always gives me a laugh.
– ixnay_ixpay
8. When the meme is so good it gets intertwined with sex.
Not so much after but during, but the very first time I had sex with my ex (we were both virgins at the time), he straight up said “are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?”
I stayed with him about a year after that so I guess I was feeling it
– SpaecPoofin
9. Careful with your compliments.
Dude tried to give me a compliment by saying you have “plumpy pussylips”
Dude did not realise that was borderline weird to say I started laughing.
– soggypapad
10. Bye bye, miss American Pie…
“You don’t feel like warm apple pie”
To which I said, “How do you know what apple pie feels like?”
No answer to that one.
– [user deleted]
11. You really gotta hand it to this guy…
My husband, back when we were dating, one night had asked for a handy.
I was like sure yeah whatever. I started, and maybe a couple of minutes into it I realized I was set to end up with a mess and no way of cleaning without just running out of the room.
I stopped and said “brb!” And ran to grab a box of tissues from the living room.
We finish and I grab a tissue and clean my hand up and he gives me this stupid look and says “Guess those tissues really came in handy eh?”
I still laugh about it. It was dumb and personally I thought hilarious.
– MutedSongbird
12. Bodies are gross. It’s great.
After sex, my guy collapsed on top of me.
When he pulled back, our sweaty chests somehow made a small suction squelch noise.
His romantic next words? “Hehehe boob farts.” -.- he laughed so hard at my reaction he snorted.
– Obscureallure86
13. Absolutely crushing it.
For the futurama fans.
I was 9 months pregnant on top of my husband and he started really grunting so I thought I was doing a great job, turns out I was crushing him and then he said “death by snu snu!”
I laughed so hard.
– ilikesaga
14. You gotta wonder what random synapse was firing at this moment.
My ex once whispered, ‘I killed Mufasa’ right in my ear.
It wasn’t even an impression of Scar.
Not that that would have made it any better.
– SmallGirlBigDreams32
15. And finally, something sweet:
My ex belly laughed incredibly loud for like 30 seconds after we finished the first time.
It turned out that climaxing just had that affect on him.
It was cute and always made me bring my A game.
I wanted to get a big laugh always.
– gonzoisgood
I never actually read that seminal book The Joy of Sex, but I hope there’s a chapter in there somewhere about all the stupid funny things it makes us say to each other. If not, somebody go write that book.
Have you had an experience like this?
Share it with us in the comments.