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English playwright Oscar Wilde once said, “Youth is wasted on the young.”

I often think about this quote when I ride in to work everyday and consider what I’ve done with my life. Because we had all that time! And what did we do with it? Eat gummy fruits and watch reruns? Why wasn’t I investing in stocks?!

Thankfully, there’s Twitter. Where comedians hang out and tweet funny shit that we can all relate to. Sure, it can be depressing to think about how your life has turned out so far, but at least we can all laugh at it.

Right? We can laugh at it?! It’s funny right?! RIGHT?!?!

I kid. Let’s have fun.

18. I didn’t ask for this!

17. Too expensive!

16. I scream! And… that’s it. I just scream.

15. MINE!

14. Q: What do you want to be when you grow up? A: An employee, apparently.

13. Drugs help.

12. So much me. So much.

11. I enjoy “cooking”

10. 4 hours at least. 6 hours at the most.

9. What a pain!

8. Why doesn’t anybody stop me from doing these things?!

7. Time works differently now.

6. OMG. This is so true!

5. It’s basically Netflix. That’s my existence. Thanks.

4. Can I hire a domineering mom for another 5 years?

3. I read lots of Böökes

2. Stop jumping! I want to get back on my feet!

1. Wait… how much is THAT?

Okay, that settles it. Ice cream and thin mints for dinner.

To the dollar store!