They say you never forget your first time. That’s probably especially true if the first time comes a lot later than you were expecting it to.
That kind of first time is arguably more interesting than most.
Reddit user Mindopalii stirred up quite the conversation about that when they posted to r/AskReddit:
People who lost their virginity after age 35 (or never did), what’s your story?
by inAskReddit
A lot of the answers are what you’d imagine them to be, but the responses overall are surprisingly diverse.
Let’s delve into it!
1. When it finally happens, it’s not necessarily weird
I became painfully shy as a teenager and just couldn’t socialise with people (and especially guys) outside my small circle of friends. As time went by I just accepted that it probably wouldn’t happen. There’s nothing really wrong with me and overall I was very happy with every other aspect of my life. I just never had any success with men (romantically, most of my friends are guys). I didn’t date. Ever. I never put myself out there and if someone approached me my immediate response was to withdraw.
But about a year ago I started to hang out with a few of my new co-workers and I became pretty good friends with one of them. And one thing led to another. I’m still kind of in awe that it actually did happen and that it doesn’t feel weird that I’m suddenly having s*x.
– DenyEverythingTA
2. A lot of folks cite religious reasons
My friend is a 35 year old virgin.
He is open about it and is saving himself for marriage (for religious reasons) and marriage just hasn’t happened for him. He actually has a really active social life, gets out a lot, dates here and there, but the dates don’t usually seem to pan out.
He hasn’t been in a LTR for ages and nowhere close to marriage.
– thick-woolensocks
3. Um…Dear Penthouse, I guess?
I had a patient on my floor last fall who was in his 40s, had late stage liver cancer.
I was doing my rounds, it was the middle of the night, and I found him crying in his room.
I asked him what was wrong, he said he felt like he’d wasted his life working and never having a family or even dating anyone.
We started talking, he was a really sweet, attractive guy, and I ended up giving him a blow job/handjob.
– unnamed_horror
4. There are self-perpetuating cycles
I’m 39M still virgin.
I’m not good looking enough to get obvious interest from ladies and I don’t have the social skills to make up the difference.
I don’t want to risk being the creepy guy giving unwanted attention to attractive women so I don’t step out.
– a_salt_weapon
5. Sometimes, people go their whole lives without it
Not me but my friend was adopted by her religious single mother who always said no s^x before marriage.
Right before my friend got married, she and her mother had a heart to heart and her mother admitted that because she never got married, she’s never had s*x, hence her adoption.
– cryrabanks
6. And some, of course, just aren’t wired that way
As*xuals, ASSEMBLE!!!!!
– __peppermint__
7. Repression is a sad but common reality
This is my cousin: Late 40s, full dark head of Mediterranean hair, 6 figure job, in great shape.
He looks at minimum 10 years younger than his actual age. Every girl at church or in local cultural groups would want to date him, but it never panned out ever beyond maybe a couple dates. This dude would come over at the dead of night to help pick you up or fix your car even when he has work at 5 o’clock in the morning, just pure selflessness so it never made sense as to how he just couldn’t date any longer than a few dates for any girl.
I’m convinced he’s a closet homos*xual and will never come out due to his overbearing Christian upbringing and it sucks because he would be the absolute perfect partner.
– MrT-1000
8. For many, it’s just not a problem
30 male, virgin by choice. Zero interest, introvert, never lonely.
Can’t stand people touching me. Hate hugs or any slight touch of my arm or anything. Zero s^x drive but my testosterone and everything are at normal healthy levels.
– weefawn89
9. It might be a choice, or a commitment
I’m a priest.
Yes, priests can use reddit
– Garrettdawe1
10. The most important reminder is:
I just want to say, whether it’s by choice or not, there is NOTHING shameful about being a virgin.
Everybody’s path is different.
– TenDoll
It’s sort of strange that we live in a culture that has taboos on both having s^x and not having s*x. Easy to let ourselves be lured into no-win situations. More difficult, but more rewarding, to find a way to cast off those taboos and just live the life you prefer.
What are your thoughts on this?
Let us know in the comments.