They say laughter is the key to making a relationship work long term, but that can be hard to remember when someone is eating ice cubes in bed while you’re trying to write.
Seriously, though, marriage has its fair share of ups as well as downs, and it’s just nice to know that we’re not alone in the madness, you know?
14. You will need a flannel shirt.
WIFE: hey wanna try some role play?
ME: [unaware she just completed a 10 hr hallmark christmas movie bender] wow, sure
WIFE: ok i’ll be the big city executive visiting my rural hometown and you be the old bff who is still single and grew up hot
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 10, 2019
13. I’m sure that was appreciated.
You can do it, put your back into it
-me to my husband getting the Christmas decorations down
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) November 13, 2019
12. I’m guessing she wasn’t as hot and bothered as you were.
just watched my wife shovel the snow from our front walk via our doorbell camera and it was better than porn
— Josh the Alwrighty (@Tryptofantastic) November 11, 2019
11. It’s important to support your spouse’s interests.
My husband just strung together the most nonsensical combination of curse words while screaming at football on the tv and instead of pointing out that none of those words go together I just nodded and said, “That’s what I’m talking about” and that’s how you make marriage work.
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 16, 2019
10. So you’re saying you don’t want to use these handcuffs…
Me: Officer trust me it wasn’t me someone planted…
Wife: *pulling out bags of Doritos and cookies from my blanket* STOP calling me officer
Me: …these right here
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 19, 2019
9. It will help you sleep.
Me: *Accidentally saws my own leg off
My wife: Just take an allergy pill
— Jester D (@JustMeTurtle) November 12, 2019
8. It’s not like we WANT it to fall out.
Husband: *grumbling, cutting my hair out of vaccum roller brush*
Me: All’s hair in love and war.
Husband: *grumbling intensifies*
— Mummy Dear ????♀️ (@ThatMummyLife) November 18, 2019
7. He has to get the right feeling.
Sorry we're late, my husband had to drive around the parking lot 5 times till he found a spot he liked.
— Momtribevibe (@momtribevibe) November 10, 2019
6. You gotta do what you gotta do.
My husband stopped and got himself a slice of pizza without getting me one and I guess I’m celibate now.
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) November 9, 2019
5. It’s like they all have a death wish.
Me: We have to leave by 9
Husband: Hey kids, who wants to learn how to play Battleship!
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) November 15, 2019
4. He’ll just do that while you do everything else.
Me: We are leaving in 10 minutes, is everyone ready?!
Husband: Ya, I just need to cut the grass, take a sh^t and have a quick shower.
— Momtribevibe (@momtribevibe) November 17, 2019
3. It’s important to be strategic about these things.
Marriage is spending years carefully learning your spouse’s likes and dislikes so you can order things they hate and won’t steal off your plate.
— Maryfairyboberry (@MaryJustice86) November 7, 2019
2. I have faith in you.
I've been home for 2 hours and my wife has rolled her eyes at me at least 9 times. I gotta land on an even number so wish me luck!
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 14, 2019
1. That’s too real even for reality television sorry.
Writing a 7-part mini-series about asking my wife where she wants to go for dinner
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 15, 2019
Marriage. It bwings us togewer.
Even if it’s just to laugh at how we all got roped into this grand experiment somehow.
Got a great story about being married? Drop it in the comments! Because we’re all friends around here!