Most of us prefer to keep a good line between work and home, if only to keep ourselves sane and to be able to focus on one without the other creeping in.
That said, it’s a bit odd to work somewhere for nine years and never reveal anything personal to the people you work with every day.
It’s also a bit weird if, when they learn you’ve been holding out on them and go cold, you feel as though you’ve lost friends.
AITA for hiding my personal life at work?
I’m in a little trouble at work because I’ve been sort of hiding my personal life. I’ve worked in this office for about nine years, working my way up. I’m notoriously private and also believe in a clear separation of work and home life. With that, I never, ever talk about home life. I’m not ashamed of my life I just don’t like to discuss it at work. My coworkers enjoy talking about their personal lives and often include me. If I’m asked any questions I usually redirect or move on to someone else. In this manner, none of my coworkers knew I’m married, have twin daughters and a very active personal life.
We hired Melinda last year and she took it upon herself to become the office snoop. She spent several weeks getting as close to everyone as possible. However, she does this to seek out potentially useful information she can hold over peoples head. Try as she did, I never gave her anything. My coworkers view me as a sort of enigma. Compartmentalization aside, I’ve made some great friendships at work. There are more things to talk about than my husband and my kids. They are a big part of my life but I’m not even going to martyr myself and say they’re the most important. They’re hugely important and come before everything else but I’m not a sycophant and I enjoy the ten hours a day I’m at work when I get to be an adult and talk about things other than JoJo Siwa and the newest Jenndashian exploit.
Last week, Friday, Melinda came into work looking like the cat who got the goldfish. At lunch she announced to everyone that I am married with two daughters, a dog, and a nice house. I play softball, I kayak, and occasionally mountain climb and that I’m on Facebook. She couldn’t see my posts however some of my photos are shared with others and therefore not private. I use a shortened version of my name (Ali from Alexandra) and my married name on FB so I’m not sure how she found me, unless she used WhitePages and put two and two together. I’ve already reported her to HR.
But the problem is, my coworkers are acting like this is a BFD. One of my friends said she’s hurt that I don’t trust any of them and hold them in “such low regard”. I tried to explain that it’s nothing against anyone, I just don’t like discussing home at work and vice versa. I never bring work home. When I’m home that’s time with my kids, or my dog, or my husband, or friends and hobbies. Heck, I chose to live an hour outside of the city in a small town just to avoid work when I’m not there. I’ve apologized if any feelings were hurt but my coworkers are now giving me the chill and won’t talk to me unless it’s directly about work. I honestly don’t see the problem. I’ve never lied to them, I’ve never given them false info, I’ve never made up wild tales about my life. I’m still the same person I was, now they just know more about me than they did.
Because if you were so intent on being extremely private, why would you believe you had friends at work?
This woman’s personal life was outed by a new (nosy, by her account) employee, and now she’s wondering if she was wrong, since her co-workers are miffed.
Most people fall either in the NAH (No A**holes Here) or YTA (You’re the A**hole) camps and I have to say I agree.
You aren’t the as$hole!
But… she’s KIND of the as$hole…
Her coworkers definitely aren’t in the wrong feeling slighted (aside from the snoopy one, but that’s really a different question).
Melinda! Stay in your lane!
Personally, I think it’s her business how she wants to conduct herself at work, but she can’t expect people to be friendly if she’s clearly demonstrated not wanting to be friends.