You expect to answer a million, simple questions a day from children, but patience can be harder to find when an adult is asking questions they should have learned the answer to long ago.
And y’all. These 15 questions are things my toddler already knows.
15. If you really want it…
Why a room below sea level on a cruise ship would not have a balcony
14. Oh, sweet pea.
I had to explain to my friend that the earth wasn’t 2019 years old.
13. I don’t even know what to do with that.
I had to explain to my mother that muscles are meat.
A piece of meat was tough, and so I must have said something about what part of the cow the muscle came from. No, we weren’t eating muscles, we were eating ‘meat’. She was sickened by the concept that anyone would eat muscles. Somehow this got to the point of her claiming that humans didn’t have any ‘meat’ on them because they aren’t food.
I did not ‘win’ that argument. Humans have no meat, meat is not muscles. Period. Oh, it turns out people are not part of the animal kindom either.
It was a dismal childhood.
12. I mean, that’s how you draw a stick figure.
There are more than 6 bones in the human body… she thought it was head, back, arms and legs.
11. If only those did exist.
When a ‘smart’ bomb strikes a building and blows it up, it doesn’t just kill the bad guys, it kills everyone in the building.
Smart only means it’s going to hit the building instead of a random location.
10. There’s definitely something fishy going on here.
Was tipped a twenty dollar bill to be spilt between myself and a coworker. I handed her $10 I had in my pocket and took the $20. She said it wasn’t fair that I had $20 and she only had $10. I tried to explain to her that I already had the $10, so another $10 equalled $20. She couldn’t wrap her head around it, insisting I was trying to rip her off. She gave me back the ten bucks, took the twenty to a register and made change of two 10 dollar bills. As she hands me mine I showed her that now I still have $20 and she has $10, but somehow she was satisfied she’d thwarted my attempts to short change her. Needless to say I didn’t stay friends with her after that.
This is made all the more ridiculous by the fact that she had once told me she was forced to repeat grade 12 math class because she got 100%, and the teacher accused her of cheating. The following year she got 98%. I’m thinking something fishy is going on there …
9. You can buy clothes that way, though.
That no matter how much you might want to put a camo pattern on your walls, you (not the paint) have to determine what that pattern looks like and you will also have to purchase multiple cans of paint tinted differently because “camo” doesn’t come out of a can that way.
8. Maybe an experiment is in order, yeah?
Had to explain to my wife that pickles were made of cucumbers
She didn’t believe me, still not sure she does
7. This is just downright horrifying.
I had to explain to a teacher, in front of her class, that a penguin was a bird.
I didn’t want to be like that but she was adamant that if it didn’t fly, it wasn’t a bird.
6. At least now you know to never eat his food at the pot luck.
Don’t bring your dog to work and let her pee/poop on the carpet.
Tiny poop and little puddles are not ok just because they’re tiny.
She weighs 4 pounds. He said she’s so little it doesn’t matter. He said he never even notices at home and if I had a dog, I’d feel differently.
(Have a dog. Still don’t want urine and feces in my carpet—at home or at work.)
5. That’s definitely not a thing.
In regards to the North and South poles, neither is “the one that is always hot.”
4. How does that even make sense.
I once had to explain to a college friend that Indians didn’t have spices running in their blood that allows them to eat spicier food.
3. It’s new, but not new new. You dig?
I used to be a Primary School Teacher. We were planning our unit on Space, so talking about planets, moons and stars etc.
Two colleagues of mine (other teachers in their mid 30s, I was early 20s at that point) got really confused when I explained to them the Moon wasn’t a star, that it was a moon. They paused, looked at each other for a second and just said, ‘No, that’s just it’s name, it’s actually a star.’
I tried explaining the difference but they were on the senior management team and because I was younger and more junior assumed they knew better.
2. Privilege can’t make up for everything.
My mother told me nobody can live on $40,000 (USD) a year, and I was unable to get her to understand that it is pretty normal to make $40,000 or less and people do fine with that salary.
1. They do in Looney Tunes cartoons.
Had to explain to someone that islands don’t tip over if you put too much weight on the edge.
I really hope brain freezes or sleep deprivation is to blame, because yikes.
Has this ever happened to you? Share with us…if you dare.