Tweet tweet, ya hoodlums. That’s the sound of the Twitter train bringing the tweet heat all the way to the end zone! I think I may be mixing up my metaphors a little, but that’s only because I’m so very excited to show you these wonderful tweets! They’ve got all the greatest words in simply the best order, and I can’t realistically hope to compete in this intro. Or even to comtweet!

At this point readers and my editor alike probably want to take my keyboard away from me, so I’ll put my excellent writing skills to the side and let you enjoy those of more qualified professionals from the world of Twitter.

10. The 3 meter dash

I just stride carelessly at this point. I got nothing to hide.

9. Smashed crust

I don’t know if this would bake well but it’s definitely worth a try.

8. Carefree carbs

I could open a bistro with this name.

7. Zoinks!

Reality is cartoons and cartoons are reality.

6. Murder most fruity

I won’t be shaking again for a while.

5. Heating up

If she starts rotating you get her outta there quick.

4. Cardi-NO

My heart can’t take it.

3. Hot mess

10/10 would immediately approach.

2. Don’t plan on it

Oh look someone took a picture of me in 2020.

1. Killer designs

It may be basic but it’s still good.

I’d say that’s just about the best lineup of tiny internet joke-em-ups I’ve ever laid either of my eyes upon. I should probably take some writing pointers from them if I’m ever going to be a real internet guy too.

Which one was your favorite?

Tell us in the comments.