Tweet tweet, ya hoodlums. That’s the sound of the Twitter train bringing the tweet heat all the way to the end zone! I think I may be mixing up my metaphors a little, but that’s only because I’m so very excited to show you these wonderful tweets! They’ve got all the greatest words in simply the best order, and I can’t realistically hope to compete in this intro. Or even to comtweet!
At this point readers and my editor alike probably want to take my keyboard away from me, so I’ll put my excellent writing skills to the side and let you enjoy those of more qualified professionals from the world of Twitter.
10. The 3 meter dash
I just stride carelessly at this point. I got nothing to hide.
My walk of shame is just me sprinting to my bedroom wet and naked to grab my towel after forgetting to bring it when I have a shower
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) June 17, 2020
9. Smashed crust
I don’t know if this would bake well but it’s definitely worth a try.
Stuffed crust pizza but instead of cheese in the crust it’s straight vodka.
— 30andTired (@30andTired) June 17, 2020
8. Carefree carbs
I could open a bistro with this name.
netflix and chill is a thing of the past… pic.twitter.com/uCp4sfkviP
— SASKIA (@saskia_marriott) December 19, 2016
Reality is cartoons and cartoons are reality.
what kinda Scooby-Doo shit is this https://t.co/Lq0KIvJWpm
— pj (@pjhoody) February 2, 2018
6. Murder most fruity
I won’t be shaking again for a while.
When I eat too fast at Shake Shack and my tummy hurts pic.twitter.com/nFnrz51WXt
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) June 16, 2020
5. Heating up
If she starts rotating you get her outta there quick.
i thought she was in a microwave https://t.co/FEzbj1sENX
— vance (@vanceprigge) April 6, 2018
My heart can’t take it.
47 seconds into cardio pic.twitter.com/v3lD6MCyvM
— WEIGHT ROOM ?? (@WElGHTROOM) March 1, 2018
3. Hot mess
10/10 would immediately approach.
“ Your crush is coming! Get it together girl. “
— Sarah Larchmont (@SarahLarchmont) May 30, 2020
2. Don’t plan on it
Oh look someone took a picture of me in 2020.
When you are trying to get dressed to go out but none of your clothes fit anymore pic.twitter.com/NtN2SRigb2
— SnackyTuna (@SnackyTuna) February 26, 2019
1. Killer designs
It may be basic but it’s still good.
When all you watch is HGTV and crime docs pic.twitter.com/A552AWsnPu
— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) May 14, 2020
I’d say that’s just about the best lineup of tiny internet joke-em-ups I’ve ever laid either of my eyes upon. I should probably take some writing pointers from them if I’m ever going to be a real internet guy too.
Which one was your favorite?
Tell us in the comments.