What’s that I heart by my window? The sounds of birds happily whistling away in the sun? Well, it’s time for those birds to shut up because I’m tryin’ to enjoy the REAL kind of happy tweet. The kind of tweeting that God intended for us to revel in: random Twitter jokes from internet strangers.
Here are some right now!
10. You know the rules
I have been Rick Rolled into another dimension with this one.
Nobody: What’s your favorite paradox?
Me: If you ask Rick Astley for his copy of the movie UP, he cannot give it to you as he will never give you up. However, in doing so, he lets you down. Thus creating the Astley Paradox.
— Alenora (@spunkyturnip) June 28, 2020
9. Owl bet they do
We all know that birds aren’t real. Owls, doubly so.
it’s always something new with these motherfuckers https://t.co/9nNNv8mMOc
— baby i.e (@soyeahtrell) February 15, 2020
8. Thrills and chills
Hey here’s a hot take: maybe we can just go without roller coasters for a while.
2020’s slogan has been chosen https://t.co/IEewmzQggf
— Washington Post Universe Guy (@davejorgenson) July 8, 2020
7. Meat your doom
Ikea remains as inscrutable and vaguely threatening as ever.
a little over a year ago i received this dm. every day since, ive lived in fear pic.twitter.com/AHtUPDfqdV
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) July 11, 2020
6. Surprise!
Plot twist: it’s an intervention about his addiction to surprise parties.
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party
please be a surprise party"This is an intervention"
fuck
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) February 6, 2020
5. Shirley you can’t be serious
I see what you did there.
SON: I was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school
ME: What's that?
SON: A big building with lots of kids
— jackothy (@HansGrubertron) January 4, 2019
4. Let them eat cake
We live in a world of cruel illusions and crueler reality.
The year is 2030. Bakery art is so realistic, literally anything could be cake. The uncertainty has gripped the world in fear. I go to hug my wife for comfort. She is cake.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) July 9, 2020
3. Coping mechanisms
I don’t need to be attacked like this, I pay my taxes.
mind your fucking business pic.twitter.com/5496JWe4j6
— thriving xolo (@ThrivingXolo) May 5, 2020
2. Skin deep
She’s not gonna slither out of this one.
If anyone sees my Ex tell her she left an old outfit at my place 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/9lrboyOHKa
— Saleem F⚒ (@Saleem__FX) August 7, 2019
1. Cruis’n down the middle
I won’t say it…
I won’t say it..
I WON’T say it…
…YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TOOTH!
I’m so sorry. I tried and failed to restrain myself.
Happy Tom Cruise's Middle Tooth National Awareness Day pic.twitter.com/arg5sGS0It
— Joke Maker (@imajokemaker) April 8, 2017
I attempted to read these tweets to the birds outside my window and they didn’t appreciate them. Further proof that they are clearly traitors. I’ll update you on this situation as it continues to unfold.
Who are the best people on twitter in your opinion?
Tell us in the comments.