I wrote a brief poem about just how single I am:
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I’m so alone,
oh god how did this happen…
It doesn’t rhyme and it’s not very pleasant, but neither is being single all the time, and in that way I think it’s just about the most truthful piece of art I could create. You’re welcome. Now enjoy some other writing samples from the similarly afflicted via Twitter.
10. Long distance relationship
Can you hear me now? GOOD, BECAUSE I’VE GOT SOME THING TO SAY…
Sometimes I call my phone company just to argue with someone
— Laurent Perrier (@itslaurentbtw) July 16, 2020
9. Fact checking
Don’t forget also showing them every bit or your physical failings.
Dating is basically just listing every embarrassing fact about yourself and seeing if they’re still around when you’re done
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) July 1, 2020
8. Breaking news and breaking up
My thumb slipped, I swear.
BREAKING: ex boyfriend now dating girl he swore he followed “by accident” when we were together
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) July 14, 2020
7. Mustache-twirling courtship
Sometimes the old ways are the best.
As much as I dislike online dating, it beats finding a partner the old fashioned way: defeating an evil villain and untying her from a train track in the nick of time.
— Ronny Pascale (@ronnypascale) April 6, 2019
6. Got you covered
And let me tell you, they’re all over the map.
Bruh I’ve been single for so long someone just asked ask me who I am with and I said T-Mobile smh
— lil åli (@nooorialii) April 24, 2020
5. Emergency contact high
Some people are just your go-to’s for certain conversations forever.
I just called one of my exes like “PLEASE PICK UP IT’S AN EMERGENCY. I’M HIGH AND I NEED TO TALK ABOUT HOW GOOD THE SIMPSONS IS.”
— Megan Sass (@Megan_Sass) July 19, 2020
4. Laws of attraction
I don’t want to make any waves here…
When I think about the people I once found attractive
— ? | (Inactive so…?) (@repsfolk) July 12, 2020
3. Love languages
I’m fluent in my native tongue but I’m also conversational in trash talk.
my ex was bilingual she spoke english and to other dudes
— mikey BADMON (@mikeythedisrupt) September 12, 2019
2. The game is afoot
We can’t know, there’s just no way to know.
Unsolved Mysteries but it’s investigating why I’m single
— notanothertruecrimepod (@NATCpod) July 6, 2020
1. Chemical reactions
Technically, this booze is a solution.
Online dating? No thanks, I'll find my next relationship with alcohol and bad decisions.
— ????? ™ (@ExLife_Coach) April 20, 2019
Maybe I should try my hand at writing a love poem to woo somebody with. *ahem*
Shall I compare thee to a Summer’s day?
Because you’re uncomfortably hot and I find that intimidating,
So I might just stay inside
Hmm. Probably needs a little bit of work.
On a scale of one to tears, how single are you?
Tell us in the comments.