Isn’t it weird what the brain decides it’s gonna hold onto?
The vast majority of the facts and concepts that I put TREMENDOUS EFFORT into jamming into my brain during my years during school? Gone like the wind.
I studied Spanish for years. Got to the point where I was conversational. Now I can barely remember how to ask where a bathroom is.
But dumb stuff? Stuff that doesn’t matter? Like song lyrics, or awkward interactions you’ve had with strangers? That gets sealed away under your brain’s strongest lockbox for all time.
And then we share them with each other on Twitter for fun.
10. Not a game
If wishes were horses we’d have a lot more horses.
In college I went to a therapist for the first time & he asked me to tell him about my childhood. I got to “and then my parents got a divorce” & he nodded, writing in his notebook, & echoed “your parents got you a horse.” He felt so bad but I couldn’t stop laughing for 10 minutes
— dr. echo (@2earsandaheart) May 2, 2018
9. Follow the litre
I don’t think I’m breaking new ground when I say us Americans aren’t the sharpest tools in the shed.
When my sister in-law was a waitress in Canada, she was taking drink orders from a group of Americans. They each ordered a glass of red wine. She suggested they choose a LITRE instead. They spoke among themselves and one man put up his hand and said – “I’ll be the leader.”
— Christine (@guelphgirlchris) December 31, 2019
8. Total blank
Hey, it’s 5:00. AM, but still.
I blanked when I got to the counter at Starbucks and said “vodka soda” and she said “huh” and I said “huh” and then we stared at each other until I remembered I was there for coffee.
— Kayne not Kanye (@kaynecaraway) November 26, 2018
7. The anxiety
I’m sure this is the gist of the majority of the emails they get anyway.
I emailed my professor and meant to say “I am worried I don’t understand some material on our next test” BUT I ACCIDENTALLY SENT THIS HELPME pic.twitter.com/iPrv5KwQD8
— Arson Carson (@CBMSt1) November 1, 2017
6. Timing is everything
The risk I took was calculated, but man, am I bad at math.
Today, in Math class. I had the urge to fart. I had the bright idea that if I dropped my textbook and farted at the same time, nobody would hear it. I dropped my textbook, everyone looked at me, then I farted. Loudly.
— ʜɪᴅᴇᴋɪ (@_hiikaldz) November 8, 2017
5. The usual
I need to start doing this just to see what people will give me.
I am at a food truck and this guy walks up and says ”I’ll have my usual” and the guy working replied “I don’t know who the hell you are.” ?????
— I know a nigga named; (@JonnyBlings) February 15, 2021
4. The test
Hey man, you walked right into that one.
Just finished a NCAA drug test. I asked Mr. pee pee watcher what the largest penis he has seen at his job. He looked me up and down and said “a lot bigger than that”. I did not wake up at 5am to be humiliated like this
— Noah Studebaker (@noahstude) October 2, 2019
3. The search is on
This is the true Turing test.
Please excuse me while I search for a new psychiatrist! ??
Credit: jnudey #funny #sms pic.twitter.com/y5B0zN471p
— My Kinda Place (@KindaPlace) October 7, 2019
2. A class act
At that point, maybe college isn’t for you.
this freshman was like "I can't find my class" and we looked at his schedule and he's at the wrong school I'm so dead ??
— festival fairy??♀️ (@chloeestell) August 22, 2016
1. Dog gone
That weird feeling when you know you left something at home but you’re not sure what.
So this lady came in this morning and walked up the front desk to greet us before gasping loudly and saying “I forgot my dog”
She forgot to bring her dog with her
To the VET
— sean (@notseanflnnery) July 10, 2019
Locked away in the memory vault forever.
What’s your most awkward social encounter?
Tell us about it in the comments.