Full disclosure: I’m bad at Twitter. I won’t even bother plugging my handle here because at this point I only post about twice a year, as if it’s a special holiday treat or something. But what I am rather good at is lurking on Twitter. ‘Cause even though I have little to contribute, soaking in the hilarious contributions of others in creepy silence is one of my favorite pastimes.
Enjoy these 10 funny tweets from people who are better at Twitter than you (and me.)
10. Say uncle
The well-aged Prince of Bel Air.
— Meredith Frost (@MeredithFrost) March 17, 2017
Use the beef to grab some beef.
[Argument at family dinner]
Wife: *Whispers to me* Don’t start taking sides this time.
Me: Why not? *sliding roast potatoes in pocket* They're too busy yelling to notice.
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) March 7, 2018
8. Bad influence
Joke’s on you, there’s no school anymore.
Damn. Influencers with 20 Million followers will have to go back to school now. https://t.co/5zGIx4QkWd
— Trendulkar (@Trendulkar) June 29, 2020
7. Leaf it be
This joke is terrible. I need to give this guy a fern talking to.
One plant that was turned away at the door was quoted saying “they wouldn’t lettuce in.” https://t.co/kOaO72lT2j
— Jake Lubbehusen (@jakelubb) June 23, 2020
6. Digital digit dance
I give this two big thumbs up.
When you don’t know how to reply to a text and your thumbs do that little dance lmaoooooooo
— therealwordplay (@therealwordpla1) April 11, 2019
5. Mind on my money
I’ve waited patiently lo these many years, and no truck full of cash has yet arrived.
I don't mean to complain but I just really feel like I should be a millionaire by now
— Betches (@betchesluvthis) June 17, 2019
4. Navigational novice
I’m still working on “left” and “right.”
Google Maps, don't tell me to "head west" down a road. I don't know what "west" is. I'm not a sea captain.
— Bill Dixon (@BillDixonish) January 9, 2014
3. Love at first sight
Nobody had better be slightly nice to me, I might have to propose to them.
stop making eye contact with me i can’t afford a wedding right now
— a (@brokeangeI) April 21, 2019
2. The room where it happened
This is less “haha” funny and more “hell yeah let’s burn down the system” funny.
if you have to water down who you are to be in the room, if you have to quiet your voice for a seat at the table, you’re in the wrong room…
— Joél Leon. (@JoelakaMaG) July 9, 2019
1. Something to chew on
Same except I don’t tend to go with the starvation option much.
i like keeping my metabolism on its toes. Like what’s it gonna be today, complete starvation or 6,000 calories.
— Christian Galiani (@ChristianGalia1) November 15, 2017
Honestly, reading through those makes me realize I’ll never be one of the Twitter greats, and I’m at peace with that. It’s way easier to just keep scrolling and laughing anyway.
Who are your favorite people on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.