Have you had a long day? Or a day that’s hardly started but already *feels* super long? Those are even worst, right? No matter your day length, we’re pretty confident it can be made to feel shorter and breezier with a good old fashioned set of that’s-totally-me funny tweets to read and enjoy. (Just realized I referred to something half my age as “old fashioned,” and would like to die now, but let’s move on.)
Check out these super relatable tweety treats!
10. Lung way to go
I’m fine…I’m fine…everybody just…give me…some space…
ya'll ever try to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so bystanders don't hear you fighting for your life
— Wizzie_Tabuai (@Lizzie94339700) November 7, 2019
9. Highly suspicious
Clearly I don’t know my own strength.
U know that feeling of anxiety as you’re about to walk past the security sensors on your way out of a store and u think omg did I shove a tv up my ass i can't remember
— m@thew (@TweetPotato314) December 26, 2019
8. The slang cycle
This is how the fire gets lit.
How slang spreads:
– hears slang for first time
– hate on it
– use it ironically
– can't stop using it
– it's lit fam
— Josh Xell Kim #BLACKLIVESMATTER (@XellTweets) January 31, 2017
7. Highway hypnosis
My theory is that we all occasionally get abducted by aliens while driving and they erase our memories with the MIB flashy thing.
Do u ever drive like a solid 5 min while thinking about something incredibly random and stupid and then ur like we’re any of those lights I passed green how did I get here WTF
— Gabby Lizzul (@gabbylizzul) July 29, 2018
6. Still waters run deep
Why did I raise my hand? STUPID STUPID STUPID.
me overthinking how I said "here" during attendance pic.twitter.com/YEx9saFzqz
— sof (@ieathotchips) September 7, 2017
5. Time flies
Look, I don’t make the rules around here.
me: i'll do it at 6
me: wow looks like i gotta wait till 7 now
— KOR3D3 ? (@OPEWESTYRN) February 25, 2018
4. Final request live
I’d hum Happy Birthday to myself and die a year older.
I’d spend the whole 6 minutes trying to pick a song https://t.co/GieT2q8BRv
— Stephen?? (@okstephenadd) February 2, 2019
3. The struggle
Ever been to a Quick Trip? No customer is fast enough for a Quick Trip.
trying to put my change in my wallet at the cash register while people in line put pressure on me by just standing lol
— juwdy rowdy (@judetagaloguin) September 10, 2017
2. Tonal amnesia
I swear there’s one about never giving you up or something.
Me: *Has tons of favorite songs
Person: “What’s your favorite song?
Me: *Forgets every song I have ever heard..
— Geet (@Vampiregeet) November 30, 2017
1. Redundant manners
What kind of monster turns on their phone ringer?
Movie theater: Please silence your phones.
Me, who hasn't taken my phone off silent since 2012: *double-checks*
— Sarvesh (@sarvesh_kharde) May 24, 2018
See how time flies when you’re having Tweets? Maybe that’s why their mascot is a bird? I need to do some more research on this. Might prove very useful in my endeavor to waste more time.
Who are your favorite Twitter people on Twitter dot com?
Tell us in the comments.