Scroll For Article Below Advertisement
If you’re alive right now (and judging from the fact that you’re reading this, we assume you are), you’ve probably at least partially subscribed at this point to the survival mechanism of semi-nihilistic humor that blurs the line between despair and casual fun. It’s an art-form, really, and it’s been near perfected by some folks in the Twitter universe.
Here are 10 bittersweet tweets by and for people who truly cannot even anymore.
10. Smell what I’m cookin’
But then your life would need to take place in the jungle.
If my life is going to continually be this much of a disaster, I'm gonna need the Rock to make an appearance at some point.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) June 28, 2020
9. Too chill
How do people just “fall asleep” like that? What wizardry is this?
Netflix and oh great my wife is asleep already.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 11, 2016
8. It’s magic
This should be a pitch for the next Pixar flick.
Did they make a day-drunk Disney princess with PMS and a high maintenance pit bull sidekick? If so that one is animated me.
— Kerry on Wayward Son (@EmissaryKerry) June 28, 2020
7. Cure for what ails ya
Calling it right now, “Deborah” is the next “Karen.”
My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) February 19, 2020
6. Eat, sleep, repeat
Don’t hate, annihilate.
Two important lessons I learned in my twenties:
– If you think everyone hates you, you probably need to sleep.
– If you think you hate everyone, you probably need to eat.
— ⚡️ Jean Yang ⚡️ (@jeanqasaur) December 6, 2019
5. Oddly specific
Your practice is pretty highly specialized, huh?
Hi, I’m a lawyer. You might know my greatest hits such as “don’t sync your nudes to the cloud when in a custody battle your kids can access them from the cloud via the iPad you send with them to the other parent’s house” & “no, your girlfriend can’t come to your divorce hearing” https://t.co/7Qr5ka1aiB
— Serendipity (@serendipitydon1) March 1, 2020
I was gonna caption it “me slowly losing my mind,” but what’s the difference, really?
me chilling in my room laughing at my own jokes cause im fucking hilarious pic.twitter.com/EcA6kfQvec
— lucy,, (@curledbitch) March 25, 2020
3. A dangerous spectacle
We are the Florida of the world.
The rest of the world is watching America like America watched Tiger King.
— Mr. Onederful® (@ericonederful) May 19, 2020
2. At peace
The most important part is the snacks.
Some people don’t understand that sitting in your own house alone in peace, eating snacks and minding your business is fucking priceless
— Terrion (@ItsTerrBear) February 6, 2019
1. Eyes on you
Kids are the worst, why do we have so many of them?
There is nothing more disheartening than pretending to sleep next to your toddler for what feels like an eternity, hoping they finally fell asleep and then opening your eyes only to see them staring right at you like a serial killer
— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) June 8, 2020
We hope those sardonic bits brought a little bit of joy to your cold, cold heart.
Who are the funniest people on Twitter in your opinion?
Tell us in the comments.