Fun fact: if you printed out the text from every Tumblr post ever written, in single-spaced ten point font, I would slap you very hard, because you would have wasted an enormous amount of energy and resources and we have to take better care of our planet than that.

Shame on you. Why would you even think of such a thing?

Anyway, here are ten of the best Tumblr posts never printed.

10. So bright they called him son

Soon the dad joke will encompass all. Hail its mighty coming.

9. Prelude to the breakdown

You don’t need to wait to fix something until it’s all the way broken.

8. A heated argument

The tension is getting toasty.

7. Killer Queen

Making the rest of us look bad since 1970.

6. Never the twain shall meet

The juice is loose and it really needs to not be.

5. Mr. Mean

Look at his weird little eyes. He’s a stone cold killer.

4. It’s a living

Why should EVERYBODY get to have things?

3. What a waste

Both of them are extremely stoned in this exchange.

2. Over the moon

Still more likely than the Kubrick theory.

1. Spot the plant

Millions of years of evolution just to hide your true self? Don’t be like that.

Fun fact: If you printed out all ten of those Tumblr posts, you could put them on the fridge and make your family worry just a little bit more about you.

What’s your favorite kind of thing to find on Tumblr?

Tell us all about it in the comments.