On a scale from “I consult with my nutritionist and personal trainer to do monthly meal planning with only locally grown whole foods hand-fed to me by the farmer himself” to “sometimes I put cream cheese on Cheez-Its to make Cream-‘Ems,” how health-conscious would you say that you are?
Personally, I’m closer to the latter than the former, and while I know that’s not great, it sure does allow me to laugh pretty hard at a lot of tweets about the health struggle.
It’s easy to get swept up in worry when it comes to our bodies. We gotta chuckle sometimes too.
10. The easy way
I hear you, and what I’m saying is absolutely not.
Doctor: most of your medical issues could be solved with a healthy diet and exercise
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) July 12, 2019
9. Mixing it up
These apples will never hurt anyone again.
see you in hell you stupid fruit pic.twitter.com/damHdR5E7j
— schmox (@IvoryGazelle) October 5, 2017
8. Diagnostic mysteries
Listen to the voice inside of you, but not the one that’s being a total bummer right now.
Me: So tired. So weak. Am I incurably sick? Is this the end
My body: The only green thing you've eaten in weeks was an Andes Mint.
Me: Why, cruel world? Why me
Body: You sleep 4 hours a night.
Me: Oh mortality, the cruelest mistress.
Body: Maybe go for a walk? Just one
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ 🖤s her mailman (@elle91) July 1, 2019
7. It’s a miracle!
Apple knows things that we mere mortals couldn’t dream of.
iPhone Pedometer: You’ve taken 29 steps today.
Me: [from my wheelchair] “When?!”
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) July 12, 2019
6. Size doesn’t matter
Thanks, I hate it.
my favorite part of a massive summer sale is how all the jeans are a size 25
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) July 12, 2019
5. Pediatric hydration strategies
Yes I am a baby and baby needs this hangover gone.
enjoying a nice pedialyte on the rocks this fine morning
— chrissy teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 5, 2019
4. Getting your exercise
You mean I gotta walk all the way back to my dresser?
[buying something online that in the pre-internet era I would’ve had to get out of bed, shower, get dressed, and leave the house to do]
Website: you have to go get your wallet now
Me: this is bullshit
— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) April 26, 2019
3. Deadly serious
Are we the first generation to meme about mortality like this?
Cop: it was a brutal, bloody murder. whoever did this is a sick person.
Millennial detective: omg who did this 😭😭😭
Cop: that’s….that’s why we called you
— all the time mais (@maisondecris) July 22, 2019
2. Watch me whip
Maybe she’s just eating it right from the tub at night?
my mom has literally 80 cool whip containers that she uses as tupperware and yet I’ve never seen her put cool whip on anything. where are these containers coming from. what is happening here. what is this story.
— madrigal (@whatmaddness) June 26, 2019
1. Genetic issues
Better know all about this body so I can keep ignoring it.
"faceapp has your photo now and can use it against you!" – white people who spit in a tube and sent it to a strange factory to learn they are in fact from europe
— Paige Skinner (@paginaskinner) July 20, 2019
Remember to like, I dunno, have a carrot or something if you haven’t in a while. I’ve heard that’s good. I’m no scientist.
What are your big health tips?
Share ’em in the comments.