I’ve done a lot of work in comedy in my life, and I can tell you one thing for sure: if ever you come across a guy who tells you anything along the lines of “women aren’t funny,” that guy, guaranteed, is not funny.

You know who is funny? These hilarious ladies of Twitter. Let’s have a laugh at some ridiculous tweets together.

14. The hairball number

Would have been a better version than the actual movie.

13. Furry friends

I swear these aren’t all about the movie Cats, there just happen to be two good ones in a row.

12. The bad guy

To quote the great poets of my own era, “Teenagers scare the living sh*t outta me.”

11. Part three

Do not cross the streams of blessing, my child.

10. Dog days

“Sucks to be you.” – dog, probably


9. l i f t

God was definitely blazed when he thought up most of this stuff.


8. Flipper fashion

Do you take pre-orders?

7. Getting carried away

Love hurts. Not me, but somebody probably.


6. More fish in the sea

I don’t think you’re ready for this jelly.

5. Inbox blues

Every single day for the rest of my life.

4. Play the field

My insomnia is Alamo-based, so I totally get it.

3. Planting and payoff

Another promising botanist retiring before their time…

2. Crime of the millennium

Burn marks were found on the body. It’s lit.


1. How do you dew

Be with someone who treats you like a queen.


Those are some quality tweets right there. I think I’ll have some of them bronzed and put on my wall. Maybe then people will think I’m interesting?

Who are your favorite women on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.