Now raise your other hand if in trying to raise that first hand you somehow hurt yourself, knocked something over, or set fire to your greater metropolitan area.
It’s ok. I understand. I’m a hot mess, too. Last week I severely injured myself while yawning in the morning. There’s not much that’ll push you harder to say “screw this I’m staying in bed” than that. But a lot of people on the internet are hot messes too, and they turn that hot mess into a hot take, and place that hot take on Twitter for all to enjoy.
Check out these ten tweets by and for people who are just like you, you beautiful disaster.
10. The customer is always wrong
Just because you don’t mean anything doesn’t mean you can’t wreck me.
There’s 7 million people in this world and you think I’m gonna let one customer with a bad attitude to ruin my day??? damn right I am I’ll probably even go cry in the freezer too
— Jenna Cherry (@maybe_jenna) July 14, 2018
If I could call a do-over on existence I probably would have ten times by now.
often times i look at the skills and knowledge i've cultivated and feel like that moment when you play an RPG for the first time and realise you've built your character all wrong after finally figuring out how the game works
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) July 17, 2018
8. Take me away
Imagine having this conversation 48 times a night.
*Gets in taxi*
Brain: Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it.
Mouth: Been busy tonight, mate?
Brain: WHAT DID I JUST FUCKING TELL YOU?!
— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) October 21, 2017
7. I don’t mouth so good
Forget it, I’ll just go ahead and never speak again.
Brain cell 1: say have a nice day
Brain cell 2: nah say have a good one
Mouth: Haven gice done
— Cam 🙂 (@TheTrueCam) July 17, 2018
6. Dating in the modern day
Elizabethan courtship etiquette has nothing on the internet age.
Therapist: so you asked him out
Me: well no, but see yesterday he liked my photo and today I liked his photo and then he rt’d my tweet and
Therapist: I cant handle this
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) February 18, 2018
5. The big questions
I need to report this original tweet for rudeness.
I don't like your tone
— 🌙✨Chaotic H💖rny✨🌙 B L M – ACAB (@AslinnCosplay) August 10, 2017
4. The Devil’s in the details
My demons have resorted to cleaning up just so they have something to wreck.
demon: [looking around inside me] dude no offence but it’s like kind of a nightmare in here
me: haha yeah
demon: how are all your thoughts in comic sans
— sloane (sipihkopiyesis) (@cottoncandaddy) June 22, 2018
3. Pain in hindsight
These are the scars that truly never disappear.
“Aaaaaaaah fuck” – me, aloud, every single day, like 12 times, recalling various small, irrelevant things I said or did many years ago that still embarrass me terribly
— Brendan Kelly, provocateur/total dildo (@badsandwich) June 14, 2018
2. Time and place
Don’t forget to follow it up with a “haha, but I dunno, man, it’s whatever.”
me talking about my problems in therapy
▶ 🔘──────── 00:45
me talking about my problems when i’m drunk with friends & making everyone uncomfortable
▶ 🔘──────── 87:37
— Official Ted Kaczynski VEVO (@nachdermas) July 8, 2018
1. Out of funding
I’m sorry, what the hell app is this?
me too bitch you ain't special pic.twitter.com/GS0PmNLu6s
— satan's bar (@otomesimp) September 12, 2020
If you’ve managed to scroll through all of that without disaster, congratulations. Give yourself a high five! Oh, that made you sprain your wrist? And the whole office was watching? Nevermind, just get out of there, I’m sorry.
What’s your biggest “hot mess” moment recently?
Tell us in the comments.