Advertisement

Scroll For Article Below Advertisement

Author Iain Banks once wrote, “We are wasting time. Time wastes itself. Who are we to float in its way?” Which I take to be a very poetic way of giving us all permission to waste as much time as we want. Because see, some of the best things you could possibly do take the form of “wasting time,” including reading through hilarious but completely useless tweets. Anyone nagging you about that being a waste of time clearly doesn’t understand the true value of time spent on nothing important.

So, to help you defy the naysayers, here are 10 ridiculous tweets you can waste your time reading and feel very good about it.

10. Stalling for time

This is as good an explanation as any I’ve heard for their absurd longevity.

9. Phallic feast

I blinked 182 times reading this.

8. Go Eevee!

The little blue circle next to the name to mimic a check mark is truly one of nature’s greatest adaptations.

7. Sofa spud

This means something. This is important.

6. The sorting hat

As for me and my house, we will serve margaritas.

5. True grit

I’m convinced the market for this product is people who have heard of but never actually tasted candy.

4. On the ball

That’s it. He wins science. Give me all of the Nobels.

3. Tony snark

My condolences to the family of whomever took these pictures, as they were inevitably killed by a very angry cat seconds later.

2. You put the lime in the coconut…

…and shake it all up.

1. The four gospels

Of all the great British sayings, I’d like to bring “can’t be arsed” to America, please.

Now, do you feel like you’ve wasted time reading those, or do you feel your life and your mind have been truly enriched? For me, it’s both. And I ain’t sorry at all.

Who are your favorite people on Twitter?

Tell us in the comments.