The comedy of Twitter can be boiled down to one simple principle: “Brevity is the soul of wit.” You probably already know that’s a Shakespeare quote, but what you might not know is that he wrote it for the character of Polonius in Hamlet, and Polonius is a jabbering fool who never stops talking, so it’s sort of an ironic joke.
I gotta imagine Shakespeare would have appreciated Twitter, then, with its combination of witty brevity and meaningless gab. Too bad we can’t show him these examples. He might have found them really inspiring.
10. My name’s probably Chad, and I’m here to say…
If you're ever having a bad day, just remember someone from your hometown is still trying to become a rapper.
— Matt Davis (@MattDavis59) March 28, 2015
9. Aging like fine milk
YOUR 20s: I fell asleep backwards on a coffee table last night and woke up just in time to run a 5k
YOUR 30s: I bought the wrong pillow. put me in hospice
— Matt Pearce ? (@mattdpearce) August 20, 2018
8. It’s called “bungried”
Time to play America’s favorite game: Am I hungry or just bored?
— alexandra nikolajev (@lexniko) March 15, 2020
7. I’m having a hell of a weak-day
really just wanna sleep for approximately 5-8 business days
— ????? (@sinfulcrybabyx) March 2, 2020
6. It’s just my journey
Am I in a bad mood a lot or has this just become my personality now
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) March 25, 2020
5. Safety first
me: wait stop
me: did u wash your hands
— tom (@pilau) March 20, 2020
4. I’m not like the other girls
“Everybody loves us weird girls, right up until we start doing weird girl sh^t,” I say to my cat, as we watch a documentary about serial killers in our matching onesies.
— ficklenuts. (@ficklenuts) December 16, 2017
3. Just need a little tenderness
Meant to say “hold on for a second” and “give me a minute” to a customer and it came out as “hold me for a second” what a monday
— Lucas (@OFLaCar) August 26, 2019
2. Times are tough, you know?
If life gives you lemons, hey man can I have some of those lemons?
— Missy Baker (@TheMissyBaker) March 25, 2020
1. We need baseball stats for influencers
Selfies on Instagram would be a lot more entertaining if they had a number of the amount of tries it took to get that photo.
— Hannah Berner (@beingbernz) October 14, 2018
Yeah, I think it’s safe to say Shakespeare would be pretty impressed by those tweets. As he once said, “Don’t trust quotes you see on the internet.”
Who’s your favorite tweeter?
Tell us in the comments.