I feel lucky to say that none of my dates were really ever THAT bad.
Boring, maybe. Awkward, perhaps. But not horrible. Not like the ones Reddit has to offer.
Buckle up, love is about to get weird.
1. It started fine…
Started fine with a decent dinner. One hour later she grabs me by the neck, looks me in the eye, and says “I want you to get me pregnant.”
Feeling completely uncomfortable, I said maybe it’s best we call it a night. On the way home, she starts screaming and yelling, then undid her seatbelt and began kicking the s**t out of me while I was driving her home.
Pulled over, called the police, they came pretty quickly and fortunately took her home. Apparently she was on some kind of drugs and they kicked in right when dinner ended.
What a night.
2. Locked and loaded
A while ago I agree to meet a Tinder date at a local bar. Things went alright, but I could very much tell she was loaded prior to my arrival. We have a couple drinks, she’s made several comments on how cold it is in this bar. Granted I’m wearing a t-shirt and jeans so I assume she’s one of those perpetually cold women with poor circulation.
She excuses herself to the restroom and half an hour goes by. Then near a full hour goes by and I figure one of two things happened: either she sneakily ditched me or massively needs help in the restroom. I ask one of the female bartenders to go check on her politely, and turns out she had OD’d on heroin shooting up in the bathroom, surgical tubing around her arm and everything.
I was heavily questioned by police and even put in a squad car till the bartenders vouched for me and I wasn’t tied to a drug case I had nothing to do with.
She ended up passing later that night. Definitely worst first date ever.
3. Shower time
We had been flirting like crazy online and finally managed to schedule a date together. We went to a baseball game and it was crazy windy and then rainy. We had fun but it we got real dirty. I asked if she wanted to come back to my place, and she said as long as we could shower together. Fine with me!
We get in the shower and start making out, cleaning up, messing around when she starts pissing in the shower. Like, all over my feet. I ask her what she’s doing and she says it’s normal to go in the shower since it just goes down the drain. I’m like ya, not with other people in with me though. She gets offended and tells me she needs to s**t and I should get out of the shower if I’m uncomfortable with it.
I’m like uhhhh how about you get out and use the toilet that’s two feet away. She starts yelling at me and then just sh**s in my shower. I get out, grab her clothes and tell her to gtfo. She left and I had to clean up greasy s**t in my shower. Wtf.
4. Supermarket sweeps
I agreed to go on a date with an older coworker from my first job at a supermarket, I was 20 he was 27.
He took me to lunch and didn’t let me order for myself; when the waitress came to ask what I wanted to drink he cut me off and placed both my drink and food order (I hadn’t even glanced at the menu yet). He proceeded by saying I needed to meet his mom and brother soon and how we should get married and eventually have kids.
Mind you he didn’t know a single thing about me..
I quit shortly after that and he would message me on social media every now and then saying things like my then boyfriend didn’t deserve me until I blocked him everywhere.
5. The accident
We got in a motorcycle accident on our first date, 2 minutes from my house.
He didn’t have insurance for any guest riders so he made me leave the scene of the accident while I had deep wounds and road rash.
6. Don’t cross the bar
Went out with a guy I met while working at a bar, it was my first “don’t cross the bar” kinda thing.
I was nervous and got a little buzzed and he picked me up.
He told me he was gonna park in his work place and we will walk around downtown.
As soon as we park, a car flies up next to us with a woman getting out and screaming at us both. My dumb a** thought it was his boss, telling him he can’t park on property, but then the screaming woman said, “your kids have been waiting for you!” Etc… I got the h**l out of there and went straight to the bar.
7. The snob
Was about a month ago, I invited this guy from Tinder over because he seemed pretty nice and we had a lot in common. He was decent looking on his profile, so why not?
For context, I had just moved into my apartment and I don’t have a nice set up yet besides a table and a few chairs. The second he walks into my apartment, he asks me why I didn’t have any slippers for guests. I was a bit confused, but figured maybe he lived in a fancier household than me (and yes, he made it clear he did). I said I didn’t, and we went to my balcony to smoke a joint.
He spent 20 mins bitching about how much he loves and misses his ex girlfriend. I tuned out and just nodded but it was strange.
We get back in and he immediately starts grilling me about my lack of furniture. “Where’s your TV? Couch?” When I explained that I didn’t have the money at the moment to buy nice furniture, he scoffed and just kept nitpicking.
I kicked him out within 30 mins.
8. The age of things
My best friend set me up on a blind date straight after my divorce. I was 22(yes, 22 and divorced), and she told me I “needed a good man”. She told me all about how this guy had a good job and he was sooo nice blah, blah, blah. She would NOT tell me how old he was, and would only send me blurry pictures. I felt pressured so I went.
He was nowhere near as attractive as she had made him out to be, and much, much older than I expected. He looked at me and said, “she didn’t tell you how old I was, did she?”
Anyway, this guy proceeds to drive me around his property, which is huge and beautiful out in the country in TN. He takes me up on a mountain on a four wheeler and proceeds to try to kiss me. I, being terrified I might be murdered out here in the middle of nowhere (he had brought a gun along), let him and it was one of the worst kisses I have ever had. He then took me down off of the mountain to shoot and critiqued my form the entire time. Then he proceeded to absolutely trash his ex wife because she turned out to be a lesbian while walking me around the house they lived in and showing me all of her favorite places and telling me all the things she would do there.
He then showed me the house he was living in with his brother which was basically just a shack.
It was awful. I now tell everyone she tries to set up about this experience, and let them know not to trust her.
9. The Brazilianth time
2nd date with this Brazilian guy living in my city; I actually thought he was really nice at first. So we were getting some drinks and he said his “friend” was coming to meet us at this bar. The friend was actually his coke dealer, who was drunk and high and dirty and had teeth missing. The dealer kept asking my date what I was like in bed and saying some disgusting s**t like what he wanted to do to me; while my date just laughed along and didn’t attempt to defend me at all.
Then my date asked if I had cash on me…. this b**ch expected ME to pay the dealer for the cocaine (when I hadn’t even expressed interest in doing any coke, I only had said I’m not going to judge him if he wanted to do some).
I excused myself to go to the ladies room , I was going to call my friend and ask her to call me in 5 minutes pretending to have an emergency so I could leave easily. Then the f**king dealer literally followed me into the women’s room slurring “hey baby, come here” and s**t like that. The female bartender saw him go in to the women’s room, and grabbed 2 more bartenders to come help drag this f**king psycho out of the bathroom and kick him out of the bar; so nothing bad actually happened to me.
This all happened within like 20 minutes of arriving to the date. I ran like h**l out of that bar, hid in another bar for 3 hours and blocked the Brazilian guy on everything. Only time I have literally SPRINTED away from a date.
10. The undertaker’s apprentice
Had a first date with an undertaker’s apprentice. Problem was, he somehow steered every topic of conversation back to dead bodies.
“Have you decided what to order yet?”
“Well I was thinking steak, but I was eating steak when I got called in about Bathtub Girl, and honestly, it just makes me feel queasy now.”
“What kinda hobbies do you like?”
“I love photography! I always have to take the memorial photos of the deceased for funerals, but I sneak the work camera out to snap a few sunsets sometimes.”
“I love your tie! It really brings out your eyes.”
“Thanks! Yeah, funny story. I was wearing this when we buried Lawnmower Guy, and he was wearing the. Exact. Same. One. I was sooo embarrassed!”
It’s hilarious in hindsight (and even a little impressive), but 18 year old me was just sat there thinking “please, for the love of Christ, just give me two minutes to eat these free breadsticks without making me want to puke.”
Years back, in my early twenties, I met this girl online. She seemed nice, geeky, into a lot of the same nerd stuff I was. Cute in her photos too. She dodged me several times about going on an actual date, but finally we set something up. She wanted me to come to her house so she could make dinner, watch a movie; we were both introverts, so that’s fine by me.
She said she lived in Houston, but it was actually over an hour outside of it (Which isn’t crazy because Houston is yuuuuge). When I got to her ‘house’ it was actually a trailer in the middle of the woods on a wooded lot full of trash. Turns out they didn’t have a trash service, so she basically just threw it outside. I saw cats everywhere, but… It was cats and giant freaking rats.
Still, I’d driven an hour plus, and I was already there, so I climbed up the decrepit deck and knocked on the door. When she opened it, the smell of cat urine poured out of the trailer and invaded my nostrils just as roughly as the Nazis did France.
I get inside.. Cats everywhere. Orange cats, brown cats. Skinny cats, fat cats. Old cats, young cats. Cats everywhere. I knew she lived with her mom, and I got to meet her. She was huge, like.. HUGE. I don’t know how the trailer floor held up, and when she got close to me, she smelled like straight up ammonia.
The mom was “cooking dinner” for us, which was like precooked frozen stuff. The girl drug me to her room and attacked me like an animal in heat. I begged off to go to the restroom and the room was covered in cat s**t and litter. Just box after box, the shower and everything. I couldn’t do it.
I went and told her I’d forgotten the flowers in my car and drove the f**k away as fast as I could.
I knew I hated Cats for a reason.
Do you have a nightmare date story?
Share it with us in the comments.