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Work sucks. Life sucks. The world is going to hell.
What else do you have in your life right now except a little bit of funny? Is that too much to ask?
No, of course not! And leave up to the ladies to deliver time and time and time again!
11 of the funniest tweets coming at ya!
1. That political horse race… neigh?
Biden is officially behind Warren, smelling her neck https://t.co/IFbovbw8j0
— Orli Matlow (@HireMeImFunny) August 26, 2019
2. Who doesn’t see texts? I mean, come on…
"I literally didn't see your text until just now" pic.twitter.com/UNTfAHkgVA
— Maddie Connors (@personallyrich) August 29, 2019
3. I hate 2019. Really, really a lot.
Making plans in 1999: Let's meet Thurs at 4
Making plans in 2019: Let's maybe plan for Thurs, 4ish? We can text abt it. I'm waiting to hear from 3 other people who made plans but 2 of them usually ghost and the other hasn't set a time to hang bc it stresses them out.
— Bron.com (@brondotcomputer) August 23, 2019
4. That skin cream game is real, fam!
every time I step in sephora I get a new insecurity I’ve never heard of. oh this cream makes my skin less loud? oh holy shit. oh thank god
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) August 17, 2019
5. Oh the fun we’ve had!
When u pass a restaurant u’ve only ordered Postmates from its like encountering a pen pal lover for the first time oh I had imagined so many things over so many nights my beloved
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) August 27, 2019
6. I’ve got the same list for my dad! Weird!
Clues that told me my dad was gay:
1. He never had a gf
2. He loves show tunes
3. I overheard my mom yelling at him over the phone “HEY THANKS FOR WASTING THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE PRETENDING U WERE STRAIGHT!”
4. He owns too many fedoras
— Molly Kornfeld (@molly_kornfeld) August 29, 2019
7. “I’d like to not sleep with you any longer, unless you’re okay with me sleeping with everybody. Your choice.”
every guy in 2019 after u sleep w them pic.twitter.com/M1hMUWNoC6
— mb xcx (@marybethbarone) August 27, 2019
8. True dat. Those nieces and nephews getting WAY too much attention…
facebook now feels like linkedin for aunts
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) August 28, 2019
9. OMFG… those receipts are the stuff of legend!
We'd have more trees if CVS would just chill the fuck out with the receipts jesus christ.
— Naomi Ekperigin (@Blacktress) August 29, 2019
10. Yes. Yes I am. You nailed it.
Therapist: "Do you think you're attracted to people who seem a little distant and emotionally closed off, maybe an undercurrent of sadness?"
Me: "Are you asking me if I'm attracted to hot people?"
— Kate Willett (@katewillett) August 29, 2019
11. I’ve tried this and it works PERFECTLY
if you’re feeling depressed try drinking some coffee so you can have anxiety instead
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) August 28, 2019
That was fun! Which one did you like the best? Let us know in the comments!
And while you’re here, why not trying out some other posts? It’ll only take a few minutes, and you’ll laugh your ass off.
Guaranteed or your time back!