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If you don’t know by now, women are funnier than men.
Why? Because tragedy + time = comedy and nobody has seen more tragedy than women. And if you disagree with that, you’ve haven’t been paying attention to life.
Here are 10 women who make us laugh more than we should be allowed.
1. That gender game, tho…
I love errors in baseball because it’s the only time I see men held accountable for their mistakes.
— Jasmine Pierce (@jasminepierce) August 29, 2019
2. Memories… like the postmates in my mind…
When u pass a restaurant u’ve only ordered Postmates from its like encountering a pen pal lover for the first time oh I had imagined so many things over so many nights my beloved
— Blair Socci (@blairsocci) August 27, 2019
3. He doesn’t have a type, does he? Oh…
Meeting your boyfriend's ex pic.twitter.com/SeDyU5uuHR
— Anya Volz (@AnyaVolz) August 24, 2019
4. So what’s the world again? I forgot.
online dating is hard because every time I match with someone I immediately go to a clearing deep in the forest and bury my phone under a crooked tree
— Tame Impala Poundstone (@Slennon_) August 28, 2019
5. Let me count the ways…
you: what’s wrong
me: wow, “ok,” actually—pic.twitter.com/RjAWBwducU
— Ayo Edebiri (@ayoedebiri) August 27, 2019
6. Always thought this…
guys what if the kool aid man is filled with blood
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) August 30, 2019
And it turns out…
— David Murray (@DavScoMurray) August 30, 2019
7. Yeah, ladies… you know this game
every guy in 2019 after u sleep w them pic.twitter.com/M1hMUWNoC6
— mb xcx (@marybethbarone) August 27, 2019
8. I needed this in my life.
I don’t get it but I like it. https://t.co/DBhOa1YoNA
— natasha lyonne (@nlyonne) August 26, 2019
9. She gonna live FOREVER!
RBG recovers from surgery quicker than I recover from seeing RBG trending
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 25, 2019
10. Boobies of the world, unite!
Boob owners listen
Small boob owners were often teased, compared to boys & feel too flat to be feminine/desirable
Big boob owners were often over sexualized, don’t fit popular fashion & feel too big to be fem/desirable
But we must unite to fight the real enemy: Climate change
— Gina (@ginadivittorio) August 26, 2019
11. Okay, do we have the same dad, or…
Clues that told me my dad was gay:
1. He never had a gf
2. He loves show tunes
3. I overheard my mom yelling at him over the phone “HEY THANKS FOR WASTING THE BEST YEARS OF MY LIFE PRETENDING U WERE STRAIGHT!”
4. He owns too many fedoras
— Molly Kornfeld (@molly_kornfeld) August 29, 2019
12. OMFG… I hate people.
One time a guy invited me over to hang out and we ate chips and hummus and made out and when I left he had Venmo requested me for half of the snacks 💕
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) August 28, 2019
13. Anybody got any juice? Because Tay-tay don’t…
She’s never heard this song. pic.twitter.com/qHKvSwpzGv
— Molly Two Last Names (@mollyrubenlong) August 28, 2019
Well, that was fun, wasn’t it? Yeah, we need to do this more often.
How does next Tuesday work for you? Oh, you’re booked?
How about next Thursday? Oh, the week is full.
Wednesday after next? No….
Okay, I’ll just text you soon.