I’ll be honest, when Twitter first came out all those years ago, I did not get it.
But now – a changed world later – I still mostly don’t get it.
What I DO get is that there are a lot of funny people being funny on there, and I need no more explanation than that for why I should hop on and enjoy myself as I ingest great little tweets like these.
12. Rules are rules
I am here for a good time, not a long time.
CDC: Wear a mask! Social Distance! Get the vaccine!
CDC: don’t eat raw cookie dough
Me: I’ll see you in hell
— Daphne Strasert (she/her) 💖💜💙 (@daphnethewriter) January 18, 2021
11. Shake it up
Your life flashes before your eyes and it’s mostly you on the toilet.
earthquakes are my favorite way to spend 10 seconds worrying I’m going to die while peeing
— shauna (@goldengateblond) January 17, 2021
10. Lessons learned
Never put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
yesterday i completed a chore that i’ve been putting off for 5 months. it took me 20 minutes. i will learn nothing from this
— kenzie (@kenzhadley) January 18, 2021
9. Red alert
She’s putting a spell on you.
when I see a girl with red hair I think oh good there’s a witch here to protect me. is this problematic
— raina (@quakerraina) January 19, 2021
8. A royal pain
I can think of a few existing ones who were less than stellar.
we need a disney princess who is a piece of shit
— ms pippershnippetz (@lolumOKUR) January 18, 2021
7. So fancy
I don’t even try to pronounce it.
me, fluent in french, reading “coup d’état” in my head: coop de tatt
— sydney battle (@SydneyBattle) January 17, 2021
6. No apologies
You are who you are and that is beautiful.
dear WOMEN💕, please STOP saying SORRY for:
– taking up space
– asking for what you deserve
– hitting someone w your car
– setting a barn on fire
– accidentally murdering someone
– intentionally murdering someone
– simply being yourself (a murderer)
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 18, 2021
5. Age appropriate
What’s my age again? What’s my age again?
Ppl always telling me to act my age like where do I sign up to learn cause i never been this age before 😂
— JT (@ThegirlJT) January 17, 2021
4. In brief
I think they played out their entire relationship to get to this joke.
why would you say Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas broke up when you could just say BenAna Split
— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) January 18, 2021
3. That’s nuts
Quite a spot-on diagnosis.
once I ate an almond joy and broke out in hives so I was like “maybe I’m allergic to almonds” and my dad said “or maybe you’re allergic to joy” AND HE WAS RIGHT
— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) January 17, 2021
2. Pay the premium
Man, I swear, if they keep splitting up my content into even more streaming services I’m going back to pirating.
wtf is lgtbq+?? y’all have gay premium??
— ً (@isnotscrewed) January 19, 2021
1. Low stakes
They did this already, friend. It’s called Animal Crossing, and it’s wonderful.
how come nintendo can’t make some games for people like me where nothing bad ever really happens to you and also you can never die
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 19, 2021
Well, there ya have it. A bunch of good tweets. Hope you enjoyed them as much as we did!
Who are your favorite people to follow on Twitter?
Tell us in the comments.