2020 hasn’t exactly been the year for parties, but it hasn’t stopped anyone from reminiscing about the crazy debauchery they’ve witnessed in the past. As if to prove this point, daring Reddit user AceEnvious took to r/AskReddit with one of the most provocative questions we’ve seen yet:
What’s the most fucked up shit you’ve walked into?
byu/AceEnvious inAskReddit
Tens of thousands of answers and discussion points poured in on a wide range of subjects, but one theme that appeared repeatedly was times when people clearly partied way too hard, and the results were absolutely wild. We’ve gathered and titled 12 such stories for your reading pleasure, but be advised that this article contains graphic sexual descriptions and a weirdly high amount of poop.
1. The Dawn of the Unfortunate Nickname
Friend got shit faced at a party, was put to bed to sleep it off. Lots of us stayed there as to not drive drunk. Well when I got up to use the bathroom I found aforementioned passed out dude sitting on the toilet with the lid down. He had his dick in his hand and was sitting in a puddle of shit.
At some point in the night he got up to take a shit and decided to jerk off.
He was forever known as Poop-n-jerk from that point on.
– Link_outside_the_box
2. The Impressive Range
Didn’t walk into it so much as it walked into me.
On a night out in another town waiting for a taxi home, random drunk lass walks around the corner from the strip to where the taxi rank is, lifts her dress up, bends over and just just sprays diarrhea up the wall in front of about 20 people, pulls her dress down and walks right into another club.
The range was impressive, if nothing else.
– Honic_Sedgehog
3. The Dumb & Dumberer Reference
Was backpacking through Europe with 3 buddies years ago, and this happened in Amsterdam. One of our friends had gotten sick during the trip and had missed a lot of our Prague stint and all of our Berlin stint (roughly 10 days). In Amsterdam he finally was feeling better and decided to join us on one of those touristy pub crawls.. on the very first night out since illness.
Long story short, he gets absolutely hammered and is all over the place. When we move on to a different bar with the group, we look around and can’t find him anymore (10PM). We assume he’s either gone home, or is gonna meet up with us, but we were drunk too and just assumed the best. Welp, now it’s 4AM and we’re walking home to our hostel without any sign of him. We’re hoping he’s home in the hostel sleeping.
Well we get back and open the door and sure enough there he was in the fetal position in his boxers on the floor of the hostel/hotel room. What was quickly a sigh of relief to find him turned into horror and disgust, as we notice he, along with the entire room, is covered in shit. Like full blown brown town everywhere: on the beds, on the walls, all over him, his back, hands. Think of that scene in Dumb & Dumberer with Bob Saget in the bathroom.
[…]
I can still smell and see that room 10 years later..
– PassTheSlaw
4. Maybe Never Do What This Guy Did
Drunk at a party in a bar with two roommates of mine. A massive queue for the toilet so I decide to go outside and just pee against some stone wall across the street. I meet a guy there, kicked out of the party. He asks if I want to pee on a normal bathroom, I say yes, and follow him towards his house, which was just around the corner, above my usual coffee shop (the kind where you buy weed, this is the Netherlands).
Follow him upstairs and use his bathroom. As I walk out, he is standing there in front of me with a big a** kitchen knife “How about I stab you right now?”. I’m drunk and don’t completely understand what is going on, and respond “I’d rather you didn’t”.
So he puts the knife down, I follow him towards his living room where this piano is. He asks if I play, kinda intimidated by the knife-incident I mumble “yes” and he asks me to play (which I actually can’t). Proceeds to threaten me again with a knife, and I hit some keys on the piano, completely shit.
He rolls a joint, asks if I want some, I sit down on the couch with him, smoke some weed, my friend calls and asks where I am.
Explain him I’m above the coffeeshop doing weed, friend rings the doorbell, gets threatened as well and then joins us on the couch smoking weed. We get stoned, get on our way, never seen the dude again.
– Beginning_Specialist
5. Pound Town
During a night of drinking and partying, I laid my friend down in this room after he passed out outside.
When it was to be to leave,I went back to the room to get him only to be greeted by a couple in full doggy style mode next to him as he slept, and im talking POUNDING IT.
– Luxxxferre
6. Bathroom Bacchanalia
Man I remember a party at an expensive estate when we were in our 20s.
People were picking all sorts of strange places to collapse, one guy got naked, hopped in the master tub, shit all over himself and then someone wrapped him in the shower curtains but left him there… as the party continued to use the bathroom.
At one point a large group of us stormed to the bathroom to take a group photo and we barged in on two people fucking wildly on the counter, with the shit wrap guy still in the tub.
– joanzen
7. An Assertion of Dominance
Not so bad, but my friend had a house party and I walked in on him fucking his girlfriend (my close friend) in the bathroom…
He had a private bedroom, with private bathroom like 10 feet away. It’s his house. But he’s fucking her in the communal bathroom during the middle of a house party.
Pretty awkward lol.
– roll_wave
8. Sweet Mumbled Somethings
In college a female friend invited a girl from her hometown to party with us, (call her Homegirl).
Later that night I noticed one of our female friends (call her Liz) was in the bathroom like way too long. I figured she was puking or passed out drunk. I knocked and knocked and every time I would just hear her mumbling something. Now I was mad because it’s been like 25 minutes, I can hear she is at least semi coherent, so she needs to open the door or at least tell me what’s wrong.
I come back 5 minutes later, and force my way in, and Liz and Homegirl are going at it.
– buddboy
9. Backyard Swinging
Alrighty here we go, at distant fathers house for visitation, I’m like 15 at the time. In a decently rural area, no neighbors for miles, large old house from the 1800’s.
People just start pouring in and are partying in the backyard, dads an alcoholic so it’s whatever I’m just tryna chill and read.
Look out the window around midnight cause I hear a commotion. Entire group of middle aged people including my father are just screwing in the backyard.
80 year old naked guy walks by me in the house, pouring himself a drink. Says “don’t go outside bud”.
So I call my buddy and leave and come back the next day and hear my dad’s apology. Shit was wild lmao.
– MrFallon
10. In Need of Direction
Jacksonville FL, spring break ages ago.
Me and a couple of friends had met some guys from Boston, and had also met a cute blonde who was down to party- she had a friend who was too, but she was easily 350 lbs.
My friends and I were busy trying to figure out how to meet up with other friends at a different hotel- we left these people together for like 20 minutes to make some calls, then walked into the room-
Three guys lined up, pants down. Blonde is on her knees, working on the first guy. Her large friend is sitting on the bed, arms crossed looking super pissed.
Guy#2 gestures to all the penises, and with the thick accent says “it’s like Bahston Mahket heah!”
We’re like”shit, sorry, just wondering if anyone knows how to get to (whatever) hotel-
Of all the people to answer, the blond pops the dick out of her mouth “oh, you just need to head down to…”
Did not recall those directions.
– blind30
11. Don’t Start What You Can’t Finish
At a party slightly drunk. Walked in on two of my buddies going at it with 2 nice looking women. My buddies didn’t know either of the girl’s names.
Without hesitation one of the women said “come here and I’ll suck your dick.” I looked at my buddy who was going at it with her. My buddy said “well what are you waiting for.” I accepted but couldn’t finish from the shear shock of what was going on.
My buddies did finish and then we all went to dinner.
– zetabur
12. An Old Fashioned Butt Chug
A guy with a beer bong in his ass and someone pouring jack and coke in it.
– manicmidwestern
I’ve just been sitting at my desk reading these and that alone makes me feel like I need a nap. That’s enough secondhand party antics for a few months. *shudders*
What’s YOUR wildest party story?
Tell us in the comments.