Guess what time it is! It’s look-at-all-these-funny-tweets-by-some-of-the-most-hilarious-women-on-twitter time!
You probably won’t find that particular time marked off on a clock face or a calendar or whatever, but that doesn’t make it any less important to the continued functioning of our society.
So join with us in enjoying these tweets. Because it’s time.
12. The Fonz
Not my baby, not my problem.
Really showed my aunt colours when my best friend's two-year-old threw a tantrum today and I responded with a commanding, "Hey. Be cool."
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) July 19, 2020
11. Into the void
Did it work? Did that fix all of the everything?
the oscar for outstanding performance this yr goes to the people who posted black boxes on instagram and never said a word again ?
— miski ? (@musegold) July 20, 2020
10. You wouldn’t get it
It’s from this super obscure thing called Anchorman.
You ever meet a guy who thinks that a joke from a major blockbuster comedy is an inside joke with him and his friends
— Ashley Hamilton (@AshleyHammm) July 23, 2020
9. Armed and dangerous
You came to the wrong coop, motherclucker.
Something to think about pic.twitter.com/WKw6JNChXM
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) July 22, 2020
8. Genre play
Something evil’s lurking in the dark…
i want to watch a ~thriller~ someone tell me what to watch so that i am ~thrilled~
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) July 20, 2020
7. Can’t argue with the digits
I’ve been running the numbers and they just don’t add up.
wtf is a 401k I can barely run 2 miles 🙁
— cal? (@cal_gif) July 20, 2020
But I mean, it’s like, who even cares. Certainly not me.
"hahaha, whatever" – me, seconds after telling someone an important emotional truth i hold incredibly dear
— monicaheisey (@monicaheisey) July 20, 2020
5. A big to-do
I literally kick that work into next week.
Good morning to everyone who woke up and immediately moved half of the items they had on today's to-do list to tomorrow's to-do list.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) July 21, 2020
4. Worth the weight
I too experience rapid changes that amount to no change.
i’m seeing my girlfriend in a few days for the first time since Febuary but she might not recognize me (i lost 4 lbs then gained 2 then lost 1 then gained 6 then lost 3 so i am currently exact same weight)
— Ms. Grace Kuhlenschmidt (@GKuhlenschmidt) July 20, 2020
3. Deal of a lifetime
I’m pretty sure you’re thinking of Google, but OK.
there should be a single-serving website called What's Their Deal where you can type in anyone's name and it tells you their deal
— alanna (@alanna) July 21, 2020
2. Risk and reward
You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don’t take.
I never truly understood the phrase ready to risk it all, until mere moments ago when a fine af, shirtless, Black man made eye contact with me from his vintage convertible. It was… all ready to be risked.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) July 23, 2020
1. Come on and ZOOM!
Weird start to a resume but I support and appreciate your honesty.
No I don’t “zoom”. I’ve never been “in a Slack”. I don’t “have Microsoft Powerpoint ”. I will not “touch base”. I am not “employed”.
— KELGORE (@KelgoreTrout) July 24, 2020
My, would you look at the time. The time to read all those tweets is now over. Now comes the time to go find different tweets to read because work is boring and the rest of the world is frightening.
Who are your favorite women on Twitter right now?
Tell us in the comments.